A bit like a yoyo

Hello,

Sorry I’ve not been as regular with my blogging as I might be.  I’ve been rather up and down lately.  Sometimes I forget things and feel happy and then other times I just feel overwhelmingly tired and saddened by it all.  I’ve only got three days left of my holiday now before I go back to the madness of school.  I’m sure it will be good to be busy again but I’m worried about coping with all of this going on as well as my full on teaching job.  I guess I should just snap out of it, stop worrying and get a grip!

We have been spending our pain a bit....oops.  I just bought an SLR camera which is something I’ve always wanted but never felt like I could quite buy.  It’s very cool and I’m planning to learn how to use it properly so I can take some really good photos.  Spending your pain is a bit of a temporary fix though but I figure as long as we are not spending more than we have then it’s OK.  We’ve been saving up for ages and now have fallen off the wagon a bit as I guess we both feel like we’re not saving for anything anymore.  And that in itself is just stupid...because clearly we will be matched at some point.  I think we are just both feeling rather wounded and negative about things.  Friends of ours have been approved for 1 ½ years and still no match and they are just lovely, wonderful people so I don’t understand why they have been kept waiting for so long.  It doesn’t make sense.  Which makes me worry that for all our support network, reading, preparation etc etc, it still could take forever.

I’m sorry.  Putting things on paper makes me realise how much of a big old whinger I’m being.  I’m not really that “woe is me”...well, I sort of am...sorry!  I really should get over myself.  Some of the people over on New Family Social have been through a whole lot worse with matches that were days before matching panel breaking up.  At least we didn’t get that far.

We took the opportunity to decorate our bedroom over the bank holiday weekend.  It is now no longer dingy beigey cream but a lovely shade of white with a Wedgewood blue wall.  It is nice that we have done it because it made us feel productive and also now we have a lovely relaxing space.  We thought it would be doomed to remain dull, dark cream forever so that’s a big positive.

We signed up to bemyparent.org.uk.  I think it’s probably a bit premature but I just really wanted to do something proactive.  I suppose on some level it makes me feel better to know that we are doing something as I’m not very good at just sitting back and waiting.  It’s hard though, as the main thing you have to go on is the picture of the child (a bit like an estate agent) and that just seems a bit wrong.  I prefer the way the agency does it where they give you all the info first and you make a proper decision rather than starting it in such a superficial way with the strange emotional link that a photograph gives you.

Oh.  I haven’t told you about the meeting with our social worker last week.  She has restored our faith in her and reassured us that she is on our side.  It seems like the cock up with the agency was bigger than we realised and so really she was the wrong person to call us and break the bad news because she didn’t have the authority to apologise on behalf of her colleagues or the authority which is why she couldn’t really explain fully what had happened.  She only called us on Thursday afternoon before she went on holiday because really she was calling on behalf of the managers and the children’s social workers.  We were right about some negative assumptions though.  They had noted that our house was really tidy (clearly...there were social workers coming!) and apparently felt like our house would not be good for chaotic children as they would wreck the place and we wouldn’t be able to cope.  I mean...really!  Clearly our house isn’t currently covered in toys and vomit but we don’t have any children yet so it would be a bit strange if it was.  Our house is tidy(ish) but not *that* tidy.  I mean we do have things out on the side and our sink doesn’t have a mirror shine!  What do they want from you?  How do they expect your house to be?!  Luckily last time the twins came round, one of them spilled milk on the carpet so now there is a small stain...maybe that means they will think we will make better parents!  But I have been nesting 100% of my time for weeks!  I’m on “holiday”, what do they expect?!  What a bunch of crazies!  I can’t believe that they make these assumptions about you from your home decor...haven’t they ever seen “Through the Keyhole?” no-one ever got it right, did they?!

On some level it is nice to know that it is the system at fault and not us, but it doesn’t help too much when you know that this is the system you have to use to find your family.  But even this crazy old system seems less scary than heading off and trying to find a family on your own.  I much prefer the idea of being matched in house as at least social workers have knowledge and experience of matching.  I’ve never chosen a child before so I don’t really know what I’m looking for!

Ooh.  This blog is making me feel better!  Thanks anonymous readers, whoever you are.  I’m on the sofa in my pyjamas again.  Somehow you guys have given me the get up and go to get up and get some breakfast.  Well done, you!

I do believe that our children are out there.  I suppose we are worried that this mess up has wasted us time, which it has, but not that much time.  We are young!  And we should be enjoying our time as a couple and making the most of not having children and we are in a way but it’s peppered with sadness and hollow purchasing to try and make us feel better.  If we hadn’t had this link, we would feel funny and apprehensive but not in the same way.  I had fully imagined that I would only be back at school for a month or so, and what an exciting month it would be.  I had imagined Christmas and I had imagined trips out with my friends who are already mummies and I can’t un-imagine it.  I wish I could.  No...maybe I don’t.  Getting excited and getting ready and looking forward to being a parent is part of who I am and I don’t want to be a person who doesn’t do those things.  Unfortunately it just makes it harder now because the near future isn’t going to be what I thought it would be.

It makes you think though.  All these emotions I’m having.  I am constantly on a knife edge between coping and not coping.  Merrily getting on with things and then welling up and having to stop.  I’m getting there.  There is more merriment and coping than there was.  But my point was.  I’m an adult.  I’m an adult who has been through crap before and coped and managed and come out the other end more than usually perky and OK.  But these kids...they’re just kids and the amount of crap they have to go through before they get to their forever families and not just when they are with their birth families but in the “care” system too.  It makes me realise that though this path we are taking has brought us a huge amount of pain lately, it will be worth it in the end, not just for us, but for the children that eventually become a part of our family.

Another long one.  Congratulations for making it through to the end.  Maybe I should start putting summaries at the beginning.  “Feeling a bit sad.  Getting there.  Worried about going back to school. Social worker better than we thought. Will be worth it in the end”.  I’m not sure it quite gets across the same message though.  I love words.  I love the way they can make you feel so much less crap.

Hope that wasn’t too much of a snivvely moan bag of a blog!  TTFN! x

It's all gone Pete Tong!

Hello folks.  Sorry it’s been a while.  Everything fell apart (including me) in a rather catastrophic and impressive fashion last week and I’m sure anything I posted would have consisted of moans, sobs and sniffles.  However, I have now bounced back (ish) and will proudly present you with the facts of the matter without added melancholy although, probably more than likely, with a smattering of indignation.

I didn’t commit to paper the excitement and apprehension we felt after our meeting last Monday (which is probably for the best...).  We were talked through the children’s past history and behaviours...occasional biting, sleep issues, a bit clingy...nothing we hadn’t expected given that we have done tons of reading on the implications of neglect and domestic violence and also spoken to lots of current adopters.  So no big shocks at all.  We were there in the meeting waiting for the fact which would pop out and make us say; “whoa there, hold on a sec...” but it never came.  The social worker complimented us on our child focused attitude to adoption and said it was great that we understood that they would come with issues and wanted to work with them rather than try to forget they had a past.  She praised us for our extensive reading and the whole meeting was very open (or so we thought).  I said that I was looking to take two years off and the social workers smiled at each other like this was very positive.  Then I asked if they thought we would make good parents for these children and they said; “you have a lot of the skills needed to be good parents for these children” and I said; “OK then, what happens next?” and they said “Well, we arrange meetings with the medical advisor and it could be about three months...[then our social worker said]...much sooner than that, I think”.  Then they showed us photographs and proudly looked on and asked us how we felt.  We didn’t really know what to feel but we felt quite in awe of the fact that these were going to be our children.  And that was that.  They said they would call that afternoon to confirm the next steps.  Wow, we thought.  We are going to be parents really bloody soon!  Then the social worker called on Monday afternoon and said that she hadn’t been able to talk to her manager so she would call me on Thursday or Friday.  And that was Monday.  Rightly or wrongly I assumed this was go, go, go (wouldn’t you?) and let my close friends and family know (the ones who had been references on our PAR) and also emailed school as I am very conscious of keeping them in the loop as they won’t have long to find my replacement.

So cue Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday where I go out and have jolly lunches with my chums and their kids only this time my brain is saying “wow...you’re not far off the Mummy club now!”  So it all sort of feels different and exciting and scary but kind of wonderful because it’s what we’ve been working towards for so long.

And then Thursday comes and at 3.30 I get the phone call (the one I’m expecting to be confirming the appointments with the medical advisor etc) and I’m in the park in the sunshine with my friend and her two children.  Our social worker says “how are you feeling?” I say...“well, I don’t know if I’m allowed to be completely excited”...she says...“oh...” and then I can’t remember her exact words but it was something along the lines of “the children’s social worker has decided it’s not a good match”.

Oh

Bugger

Now I feel a mixture of crushed, sad, stupid, over-excitable and about 0.5mm tall.  I also wish that the playground would swallow me up and send me away from all the cheerful mums and kids.  I can’t really remember the rest of the conversation as I was just so shocked.  The meeting had gone really well, they had shown us the photographs, they had told us it would be much less than three months and now...bang.  So I can’t clearly remember the conversation we had but effectively what I took from it was “we don’t think you can manage these two children when you’re at home on your own”.  I felt like someone had stamped on me repeatedly and it physically hurt.  I tried to keep normal until my lovely friend and her kids had gone home but then I just melted down.  I felt like they were saying I couldn’t do it...I couldn’t be a good parent.  She said it was nothing to do with the meeting and that they definitely hadn’t withheld any information but that the children’s social worker felt I wouldn’t be able to cope and that they wanted what was best for everyone and that wasn’t for the adoption to break down.  So in my mind I’m thinking...but all they had were some fairly minor behavioural issues (we questioned this during the meeting and they confirmed it), and they were two smiley, sociable children, and we can’t cope with them.  Well I’m thinking, clearly we will never be matched then, because I’m not good enough to manage.  I was in a state, I’m not going to lie about it.  I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t stop sobbing because I blamed myself and I felt like I had let me, my partner and these children down.  So that was Thursday and Friday.  Not great.  Not proud of that, not trying to be melodramatic, just trying to be honest.

Oh yes, and that phone call was the last thing our social worker did before going on holiday for a week.

On Friday our old social worker called (we text to say what had happened) to say that she was quite shocked as on paper it seemed like a really good match.  These are the two children they have been talking about for us since before our panel.  I said I couldn’t figure it out.  I just kept going over it in my head...they said it wasn’t the meeting...they said it wasn’t that the children were different to what they had said...so what was it?  Anyway, she advised me to call the adoption services manager (who is lovely) so I did, and that’s finally how I managed to get to this point.  A point where I can function and reason and look forward and write about what happened.

I explained to her that I felt totally crushed and devastated because I didn’t understand what had happened and was blaming myself.  She explained that it was the children’s social worker’s first ever link and that on paper it had seemed like a really good match but on talking to the children’s social worker it transpired that the children’s behaviour was much more challenging and demanding than the CPR stated.  That they were violently clingy etc. although she admitted that it wasn’t her case so she didn’t know everything about it.  She said (as did our other social worker) that they feel our primary skill is as nurturers, so we are better suited to more withdrawn children.  One of my friends worries that this is slightly homophobic, as they are seeing us both as “mothers” rather than co-parents with different skills.  I’m not sure.  I said to the manager that we felt like everything they kept saying about us being nurturers was a sort of code for us not being resilient, and that it sounded like an insult and she said that it was just that some children are a better fit for some people than other children and these ones didn’t seem like the best fit for us.  She apologised, she said that they shouldn’t really have matched us in the first place.  I made it clear that we weren’t upset because these particular children wouldn’t be our children, we were upset because on Monday we were very firmly led to believe that we would be parents very soon and they waited until Thursday to tell us that we weren’t.  They shouldn’t have left that meeting on such a positive if they had doubts; they shouldn’t have shown us the photographs; they should have asked us directly about the behaviour they felt I couldn’t manage and they definitely shouldn’t have let us spend three days feeling positive and excited about our imminent parenthood only to tell us it was all off and not really explain why.  Especially when the reason why is that they have cocked up, not us.  They messed up the match, they behaved inappropriately in the meeting and it seems like they have made massive assumptions about our personalities which we worry aren’t really true.  But despite all this, I still feel inclined to trust that they understand matching better than I do.  It’s their job and I’m not going to believe or argue that these children were right for us; I believe them, they probably weren’t, and that’s OK.  Just don’t put us through all of this, please.  Because we’re not even parents yet and we feel like our confidence has been totally squashed.

So that’s that.  That was the last couple of weeks with my OH’s grandma’s funeral and an engagement party thrown in for good measure.  I have two weeks left of school holidays and I’m not really sure what to do with myself.  We have a meeting with our social worker next week and I wonder what we will say.  I’ll let you know.  Three months from our approval panel is fast approaching which means the national adoption register looms.  I don’t know from experience but it sounds like when you are looking for a house, and they send you masses and masses of details which aren’t right, and then when one finally is right, the sellers choose someone else.  It seems like a lonely old process fraught with rejection and negative assumptions made without even talking to you, let alone meeting you.  I had really hoped that we would be matched in house and not get that far but you can’t win them all.  Our adoption journey has been fairly painless up until now so I guess it was going to happen at some point.

Sorry that was so long!  I hope it wasn’t too down in the dumps and angry!  I do feel cross now.  I feel like I’m mostly healed but all this emotion makes you seriously physically tired!

I need to get off the sofa, get dressed and have some breakfast!  xx

Linked!

Hello,

I'm not sure whether I should be writing this or not as I don't want to jinx things, but then that's not really in the spirit of blogging, is it?!

So, after my whingey old moan bag of a post last time what happens...? Our social worker calls and tells us they have made a link with a sibling pair! I'm not going to give any details just in case but they are both under three so...wow!  Amazing. The reason she wasn't available to talk to me was because they hadn't had their official linking meeting and she was worried she wouldn't be able to keep it a secret if she spoke to me!  So there we are.

We have a meeting with our social worker and the children's social worker on Monday and then we will decide if we agree to the match.

We will have to ask loads and loads of questions.  I think I'm going to type up answers on the laptop as we go as this is undoubtedly going to be the biggest decision of our whole lives.  And it's so hard!
Because you just don't know how their life experiences will manifest as they grow, and you have to try to decide what sort of trauma you can manage and where you would be best placed to therapeutically parent them.  So we are excited and scared and nervous and hopeful and a million other emotions.  We have even been given names, which is lovely as we can think about them as real people, but we have avoided talking about them too much until after Monday when we will know more definitely whether we think they are a good match for us.  We have only really told people who came with us on our adoption journey, so far. I'm not going to worry my workplace until we know for sure so I will call them after Monday I think.

As a distraction technique on Sunday I made a treasure map for the wall on one of the bedrooms.  It is decorated with hot air balloons with children riding in them, clearly on an adventure and I just wanted it to have a real sense of adventure on there!  But instead of just making a fictional one, all the places are relevant to our friends and family, like there's a Rose Cottage named after one of our friends, and Lake Louise where we got engaged!  The whole family is on it! I think it's pretty cool...I even did the teabag staining and burned round the edges!  Unfortunately I can't share it on here because it would be a bit too identity revealing!  It's a bit like the map we had to do for our PAR of our support network only kid friendly. Luckily our family seem to have names that fit well with places!

So we have been busy putting up more storage and trying to get ready but not in a specific to these children kind of way.

Something about it feels very right now that we have settled down, but we still have to be sensible and measured and not get carried away with our emotions.  Much easier said than done.

It's just unbelievable that I've been blogging for just over a year now and we have been linked.  It's not taken nearly as long as we thought. I'm glad we timed it right so our extension etc were finished off and we don't have anything to worry about.  I've decided that I'm going to take photographs of all the breakable things we had as wedding presents so that if anything gets broken and the children can see on my face that I'm sad I can say "well, it was an accident so I'm not cross, but I am a bit sad because it was a wedding present from...but don't worry because I have a picture of it so I can remember it that way and still be happy".  I'm hoping that will work!

And that's all for now!

I will be in touch when we know more :)

No news is good news?

No news is supposed to be good news but it really doesn't feel like it!  Sorry I haven't blogged for ages. We had a meeting with our placing social worker a week after panel and since then we haven't heard anything at all. I'm on school holidays now and it's just driving me mad. I'm now preparing for when I go back in September but when we broke up I was so excited about the impending babies and now I'm just sad. Either the two children they told us about don't really exist, they have been linked with someone else or they are just lurking in foster care. None of which are great. We were so ready for a big wait until they said things like: "we probably won't really need your matching profile" and "there is a one year old and a two year old which seem like a really good match" and "looks like you might want to get those rooms ready!".  If we hadn't been told things like this we would certainly feel a lot less horrible. It felt like it was going to be really quick and here we are...over a month later and we've heard nothing. Some friends of ours have been approved for over 1.5 years so I don't know what I'm moaning about! Shuddup woman and pull yourself together! I honestly wouldn't be moaning if we hadn't been dropped these tantalising nuggets of information and then.....silence! Eurgh. So infuriating! What was that about not moaning, you say...?! Sorry! I spend my whole life telling people to make the best of things and enjoy what you have. I'm partially sighted which means I'm not doing the career I set out to but I love being a teacher so everything worked out!  I know that we should be enjoying the time we have left as a couple, but it's just so hard now. My emotions are all over the place!  We just had a lovely relaxing holiday in a couples only hotel so there were no children, no curious parenting techniques to discuss, no cuteness...brilliant! It made us feel much better. I'm not really sure what to do with myself at the moment. My brain is full of migraines and emotions and there's not much room left for actual functioning! Ho hum...there are worse things...I'm just not managing this well because I like to either do things *right now*  or pick a date and start planning.  That's a brief summary of where I am now. I don't really know to be honest! The social worker is supposed to call me tomorrow so hopefully she will. Hope you are all well and enjoying the sunshine! X

Tired!

So now I am finally going mad. Everyone said it would happen but we are not really sleeping well and everything sets us off.  We just bought the Mommy, Mama an me book and that was such a bad idea. It's lovely and sent my emotions all over the plan.  I can't remember if I said but we have decided to call ourselves Mummy and Mama. I'm Mummy and my other half is Mama.   Last week we started trying to make our intro video a little bit. With the windows movie making package we can put music in the background.  It's pretty cool.  We chose "all about you" by McFly essentially because I have the musical interests of a teenage girl and also because it's quite jolly and seemed to be sending the right message!  So we just played with that really and it was quite fun but we can't make it  properly until we know names and ages.  I think a video is quite a good idea in case the foster carer isn't great and won't read their intro book very much.  We think we are going to make board books from this site: http://www.chloesmummy.co.uk/ for our intro book as then they will be very toddler friendly.  It's nice because we can put the photos in the book into stills in our video so it links nicely together. We joined adoption uk this week as we thought we probably need as much support as possible!  We are looking to start a local group of new family social as all of our nearest ones are actually very far away and just not realistic with two tiny people. Only a week and a bit left of school.  It's such a relief as I'm so tired I feel very fuzzy headed at the moment.  Luckily it's just a few serious lessons of A level and then mostly jolly fun stuff which isn't too arduous. I just wish I knew whether I was going back in September.  It's so strange this not knowing.  Or maybe I will just go back for a few weeks. Who knows?! I can't decide if we were being hopelessly optimistic thinking it would happen for us this summer or if it still will.  We haven't heard from our new social worker yet. Hopefully we will next week. It's been a week of hopefully and nervously checking my phone but not finding anything.  And everyone at school is so sweet and always asking how things are going.  I told school it was likely it could be the summer, so they could be prepared but now I'm less sure, so I feel a bit silly.  Eurgh! Sigh, it's all just so emotionally draining! Anyway, take care and I will keep you all posted! X

Approved!

So...we did it! It was a nerve wracking panel with some quite tricky questions. Not wishing to blow my own trumpet but our social worker said that one of the panel said that he wished he lived with us, and that we were one of the best sets of adopters they had had through in ages! Hurrah! We are excited but totally pooped now! So for those of you who are interested here is a summary of the questions and our answers: You said in your report that you have not really faced prejudice in the past, how will you deal with prejudice when you face it in the future, especially with a child? I said that I would do what I do at school when the children make unfounded and bizarre comments and question why they thought that.  That usually works quite well.  We also said that we are just normal people who happen to be lesbians and this wouldn't change...and that's why we haven't faced prejudice in the past.  Because when people meet us they realise that we are not evil demons but just normal, nice people, and one of our friends said that we turned her homophobic father into a gay loving open minded person! Hurrah! How will you deal with it if your child is bullied for having two mums? We said we would try and bring them up to be resilient so that they would know that if they were bullied then the bullies were at fault and not them.  We also said that we would contact the school if we needed to. We would encourage our children to talk to us and we might rehearse what they would say to someone who asked them a question about having two mummies.  We said that it is normal for children to ask questions and be curious and that's ok and we gave the example of someone we has met through NfS whose son said "my birth mum wasn't very good at being a mum so now I have two brilliant dads." You are very calm people so how would you cope with an aggressive or violent child.  You have said that this is not something you will consider but it could develop. I said that we would not be afraid to seek expert help if we needed it, that sometimes that is the way forward.  I said that it would be very hard but we would have to persevere.  L said that we would try and find out why the child was so angry and sort out the cause of the behaviour. You said that you would be unable to support a child with an existing faith. We said that we were open minded about religion and will support our child in exploring religion.  We have lots of religious friends. But we could not support a child who was expecting us to go to church with them every Sunday as we felt this was hypocritical of us.  But that we are open minded about religion and want to teach our child about different faiths and religious celebrations. J, I was pleased to see that you didn't rebel as a teenager.  How would you cope if you had a teenager who came home with a shaved head and a tattoo? I said that I worked with teenagers every day and I felt that treating them like adults, calmly but with clear consequences, worked very well indeed.  I said that I thought there were worse things they could do than shave their head, although it might be quite embarrassing when we go shopping!  We said that they need to express themselves and if that's the way they choose to do it, that's OK.  We wouldn't scream and shout but would let them know that they are safe and loved and that it would be hard but we would do our best. Sometimes teenagers behave very differently at home and at school. I said that yes, in my experience they do, but that in my experience in the boarding house I had learned to deal with both sides.  I also said that we had talked a lot about our children being teenagers because of the adoption process.  Much more than most parents. We felt overwhelmingly that we want our children to feel safe and like they can talk to us and would try to keep calm and not engage in power struggles with them. You seem like very calm and nurturing people, how will you cope if you are rejected by your child? I said that it would clearly be really hard and we would find it difficult and from talking to other adopters it seems to be quite common.  We would do our best and keep trying but not smother them, make sure we were meeting their needs and keeping them safe, and then let them come to us. We said that we would support each other and do our best but that it would be a very difficult time. Our social worker then said that she thought we would be very good at finding creative ways to engage, nurture and build attachment. How would you cope if they used food as a power struggle, for example refusing to eat. I said we were going to get them to engage with cooking and preparing food from an early age but if they are using food as a power struggle the best thing to do is not to engage in it and make it an issue.  So that's it. Done! Now we just have to wait for a call and then we will know more! What an experience. We gave our social worker a little hamper of homemade cakes and biscuits and she gave us a big hug. We were so lucky with our social worker and will miss her loads! We are going to keep her posted and send her photos etc. And I will keep you lot posted too! We did it! X

5 days to go...

It's only 5 days until our approval panel now and we are excited and nervous. Because we have been to a panel before to become approved foster carers, I think we are not too nervous about the actual panel itself, I am more nervous about what comes next!  I think I'm more nervous about the panel than I think I am as I'm not really sleeping too well at the moment.  With the jubilee, half term has gone by in a flash and now it's only 3 1/2 weeks until the summer holidays.  We have sort of been told loosely that things are likely to happen over the summer but we're trying to remain sensible and guarded but it's kind of unrealistic for us.  We painted the second bedroom over the jubilee weekend so it's ready now, it just needs cheerful soft furnishings and a bed/ cot and I have some hot air balloon wall stickers that I'm ready to buy when we know more.  I just hope we are allocated our new social worker soon after panel and we start to find out what's going on as it's the not knowing I find the most difficult.  I have been doing some shopping and things lately in a slightly mad way as I know that when I'm not working I will probably feel guilty about buying things for myself.  So I've had a mini splurge on nice classic things that hopefully will last for a bit.  Some of my friends think I'm a bit mad because they will obviously get covered in food/paint/poop but it's helped me a bit and I sort of think that's what matters! We are looking into getting a bigger car too.  Our car is only just big enough to fit a double buggy in the back so we are thinking we should upgrade to a more sensible and mumsy number!  Everything we do at the moment makes me feel a bit mad and excited.  We have well and truly fallen off the edge now.  Hopefully once we are linked and matched it will get better as we will have more of a focus rather than blindly trying to prepare for...we don't quite know what! So in five days time we will know whether we are approved adopters and, from what we have been told, things could start to happen any minute after that.  The manager of the adoption agency seems to be very proactive and switched on so let's hope things move quickly for us as it would be so wonderful to be able to do all this stuff in the summer holidays rather than panicking in the autumn term, which is always a bit of a busy old nightmare anyway. So there we are.  I'm not sleeping terribly well so sorry if that doesn't all make sense.  Some of the lovely people from our adoption training course are coming for tea tomorrow so that will be nice.  It's been really good because I've spent the whole day baking!  We're making a hamper of homemade things as a thank you to our social worker as we will be moving to a different one after Wednesday so I have spent the day making vanilla fudge, malteaser cake and shortbread! Very fun.  The malteaser cake is delicious. http://mirandagorebrowne.typepad.com/beautiful-baking/2012/02/mirandas-malteser-cake-a-perfect-cake-to-make-with-the-children-or-to-enjoy-when-you-need-a-taste-of-home-for.html If anyone is interested. Right...definitely time for bed. Take care, everyone.