Meeting birth mum and intros planning.

We met with birth mum this week and it was easily one of the hardest, and yet most valuable things I think I have ever done.

She was crying when we went in to the room, but we managed to talk gently about "not much at all" until she was calmer and more able to talk to us.

I think it made me even more aware of where our daughter as come from and that it will always be a part of her, that her birth mum will always be out there, and will always think of our daughter as her daughter.  But that's OK.  And I honestly feel like I don't mind if in hr heart she still believes she is Mummy, because I know that I will be our daughter's mummy because I will share her life with her.  But if our daughter wants to explore where she came from, and explore the part of herself for which she has no memories, then I want to help her do that.  I don't want her to have gaping, mysterious holes in her early life history.  We made it very clear to birth mum that we wanted to share her story with our daughter and to make sure that she had a good understanding of who she is and where she came from.

I suspect that's a bit of a ramble.  But I honestly do believe that life story work is so hugely important; much as it is helpful for birth mum to know that her daughter will know she exists; it's far more important to me that our daughter knows about her birth family for her, and the fact that it helps birth mum is just an extension of that.

Birth mum asked us a few questions, but she might email more via her social worker as she was a bit unsure.  She did say that she was very happy that her daughter was being adopted by two women but she was worried about bullying, and we talked to her about that.  She asked us how we were going to parent and we talked about outdoors and fun and exploratio and learning through doing.

It was a very positive meeting.  It ended on a high, with a happy photograph for the life story book and it did go really well.  I just feel like I have run a marathon today!  I was choosing my words very carefully as I so wanted everything to go well, and thankfully it did.

So then we went and picked up a high chair :D

Exciting!

And we had our intros planning.  Ten days from 1 1/2 hours on the first day to day ten when we take her home!  I can't wait!  And we are meeting her in person for a "viewing" in a few days time.

What an emotional wreck I am!  It has been a rollercoaster few days.  The tears from the meeting today havent quite surfaces yet.  I'm waiting for it to happen.  It's just so sad that this young woman had her three children taken away because she was so squashed by life that she wasn't able to parent them. I hope she can pick up and move on and do more with her life now.  I'm really hoping for positive contact letters but we will see.

Right. Time to drink a cup of tea and breathe!

BUT WE ARE MEETING OUR DAUGHTER IN A FEW DAYS!!!

Aaaaand.....breathe!  Calm.....calm thoughts!

Poof!

xx

Matched!

Hello,

Sorry I didn't post yesterday.  I wasn't really in the right mood to sit down and be pensive.  However today I just typed bee (as in, buzzy) instead of be, so I might not be much better now but I'll make some attempt!

Panel went really well.  We spent a long time a few weeks ago writing answers to the questions we were asked for her report and it certainly paid off.  They said that because the information we had provided was so comprehensive they only had three questions for us.

1. Did we understand that there was a degree of uncertainty around LO's development and paternal history?

erm...yes, we understand, we're ok with it, we'll do our best and love her whatever.

2. What would we do if we felt we needed someone at home for longer than one year?

erm...we would have someone at home for longer than a year!

3. How will you cope when she is a grumpy teen?

well, she might not be!  Hopefully our good parenting [we hope] will pay off!  But if she is a grumpy teen we will love her anyway.  We will try and make sure she is happy and can talk to us and feels like we are a family where it's OK to make mistakes.  And other ramblings by me...I rambled quite a lot on this one!

And then we showed our intros stuff.

• Tomy talking photo album (seriously embarrassing) http://www.amazon.co.uk/Tomy-Discovery-Forget-Photo-Album/dp/B0019RC632/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355425822&sr=8-1
• Cute little buggy book with our pictures in http://www.chloesmummy.co.uk/
• Fuzzy photo cube with our pictures on http://www.bagsoflove.co.uk/cubes/photo-cube.aspx
• Mommy, momma and me http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mommy-Mama-ME-Leslea-Newman/dp/1582462631/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355425999&sr=8-1
• A DVD we made too.

They *loved* it!  The chairman had to tell everyone to be quiet as they were cooing over everything so enthusiastically!  So that was nice.  Made us feel like we had done something right even though we didn't have any help/guidance from SS the lovely, knowledgable wise owls over at New Family Social gave us lots of ideas and we used all of them!

So that was it.  We went out for 5 minutes, came back in and they announced that we are going to be mums!

I've just finished my last day at school.

I'm actually going to be a mummy!

And....wait for it.....

WE MIGHT MEET HER NEXT WEEK!!!

ON MY BIRTHDAY!

Eeeeeeeeeeek!

So exciting!  Proper intros won't start until after new year but they are still looking at starting as early as possible.

But it's still only a might for the "viewing" next week which is what they are very weirdly calling it.

So strange.

But I don't care because I'm going to be one of two very happy mums!

I have just invested in a pair of Grubbies dungarees, a Hatley raincoat and a twilight turtle.  Must avoid buying too much ridiculous rubbish....I don't think any of these are excessive.  She's going to need them for all the fun we're going to have!  I'm getting a zoo pass for Christmas!

Wahoo!

Sorry.  I'm a wee bit excited!

We are having a party on Saturday and all the wonderful people who have helped and supported us along the way will be there.  So great.  I'm really looking forward to it!

Happy, happy days!

Matching panel tomorrow...

So here we are, matching panel tomorrow...crazy times.

It's been well over a year since I started this blog and I can't believe how close we are now.

The medical adviser told us some of the questions they are likely to ask us

• Is there anything we are worried about?
• Do we understand that there is some uncertainly surrounding her past?
• How will we cope when she is a hideous teenager?
• Why do we think we will make good parents for her?

We have chatted about all of these so hopefully will have strong answers but hopefully the panel will like them.  Bloody hell, it's so scary!

We love her already and she's not ours yet.  There is still a chance it could be game over and then what will happen...happen to her and happen to us?  So scary.  But so exciting too!  In less than 24 hours we will know whether or not that gorgeous, smiley girl from the photographs will be our daughter...and then we can stop being scared and start being excited!

Just a short post as I want to collapse in a heap. I'm thinking Elf might be in order!

xx

Getting "ready"

I'm not sure if we are premature in our preparations given that we haven't yet been to panel, but we are now "ready" for our new arrival.  We spent the weekend sorting out the room, unwrapping things we have bought and washing anything new in the same laundry liquid that the foster carer uses.  Her room looks really pretty.  I bought these alphabet wall stickers from chocovenyl:

http://www.chocovenyl.co.uk/Letter-PVC-Free-Fabric-Wall-Stickers-p/jn-lttr.htm

So now her name is on the wall.  She's not old enough to know but it made me feel a real contrast to kids who are adopted and kids who are in foster care.  We have spent ages making a room which is hers and will feel like her space, which although it seems superficial, I think it's actually hugely important.  It's hard to feel special when you know that loads of other people have slept where you slept and used all the things you use. I'm becoming quite passionate about children in care and I wonder if my career will head in that direction at some point.  It's a massive leap from teaching in a private school but part of me feels like I want to do more than adopt one or two.

Talking of one or two.  Right now I can't imagine having two children.  I am so excited about being a three person family.  I am looking forward to there being two of us and one of her and we have so many close friends with children that I'm sure she will make some really strong relationships there.  I wonder if I will change my mind in a few years time...maybe!

I have been using my energy in ridiculous over planning!  Yes...I've written out the recipes for play dough and salt dough, laminated them and put them on my blackboard.  I've made a bag for junk modelling and given it a cute little (laminated - obv) label.  I'm hugely inspired by Anna over at:

http://www.theimaginationtree.com/

Brilliant!  I now have a shopping list which includes huge amounts of salt.

Maybe when I'm busy mummying about I'll find inspiration to blog about the activities we do.  I'm so excited about all the things we will do together, and all the things we will introduce her to which she hasn't seen or done! Swimming, play dough, painting, chalk... so exciting.

I'm formulating a plan to be a mumtrepeneur.  I think that's what they call them.  Right now I have no idea what sort, and I suspect this may be a pipe dream, but I can dream!  If the mumtrepeneuring doesn't work out I will be back to work part time in a year....I suspect this is the most likely course of events! Still...I do love my job, I'm just already worrying about not being there to excite and stimulate our baby (and me!).

Still...there is plenty of time to worry about that!

Only a week and a bit until panel...and then Christmas and then...that gro-bag I've just washed won't be so shiny and new any more!

Take care everyone! x

Visiting the foster carer.

Hello,

We had our visit with the foster carer. She was very solid and organised but was also looking after a very young baby so has her hands full. We are very relieved that she has had such steady and reliable care during the first part of her life, but we are looking forward to getting her home to be able to do all of the things that there isn't quite time for at the moment, like swimming and painting and play dough and splashing in puddles!

We have been buying lots of bits on eBay and bought our car seat today. We are really getting prepared! At the weekend we will build the cot and really get her room ready.  She is coming with hundreds of toys! Her birth mum and dad have bought her so many, and seeing them all made me feel really sad. Sad that these people who are such a big part of her are trying to fill the gap in their lives with toys and trying to make their presence felt, but it never really will be. If that makes sense. I felt sad for them, and sad for our daughter. The foster carer has taken photographs of every set of birthday and Christmas presents and said who they are from.  She is going to make a scrap book and will bring it when she comes for her final visit. She seems very caring and kind.

We are so close now. Less than 2 weeks until panel and then introduction after Christmas.  My excitement means I can't focus at work and I'm just all over the place!  I'm an emotional nightmare! I just want to get her home and give her a cuddle and finally have a chat with her. Apparently she is very chatty!

So close!  But the days are going so slowly!

Will blog again when I'm less pooped!  We are in the middle of washing bedding and clothing in the same detergent as the foster carer uses....lots to do!

Take care, everyone! X

Broken the seal...oops

Hello,

I'm writing that (broken the seal) and I'm not sure if it's an expression that everyone uses or not, but basically what it means is that once you have broken the seal, you can't stop but until then, you manage, somehow to contain yourself.

My other half bought a pair of dungarees from a charity shop, thus breaking the seal and now I have spiralled out of control in some kind of ebay clothing frenzy.  Somehow I justify it to myself that it is cheap, which it is, relative to buying new, but still....tut tut. At this point I have no idea what she needs or how big she is so frankly, I am being ridiculous.  But...the seal is broken...so be it!  Someone on NFS told me to stop worrying and start buying dungarees so I'm only taking their advice.   And me and my partner are constantly trying to justify these things to ourself...she needs that so she will feel like one of us (baby converse, once we know her size), she needs a bright and awesome coat so I can see her easily in the park...it's all just ridiculous really.

But the long and short of the matter is that we have tipped over the edge into massively excited.  I have a charm bracelet with charms on it from significant events in my life and I've just taken the liberty of buying myself a little stork.  Yup..excited, and currently (although not for long) with a disposable income.  We are hemorrhaging cash at an alarming rate currently, but hopefully it will die down after a while.  I like to think I'm not massively materialistic but the trouble is, I'm quite into fashion and I want her to look cool and quirky...nightmare!

On a serious and less frivolous note we are meeting the medical adviser tomorrow and have come up with a huge list of questions, but not as huge as the list of questions we have for the foster carer next week...now that is huge!  Hopefully they won't mind...I guess if they really care about her thenn they shouldn't do.

Two things to point you in the direction of.
1. www.chloesmummy.co.uk sell board books which you can put your photos on which is fabulous for intros.
2. http://www.grubbies.co.uk/ OMG these dungarees are just the coolest.  They are going to be my present for our new daughter (although actually for me...clearly she won't actually care) after matching panel.

Eurgh.  After all that excitement I just put myself on a downer thinking about matching panel.  It still could not happen or be delayed or something hideous.  That would be really bad now.  We are too far gone to be able to cope with that one effectively!  Let's hope our ridiculous amounts of planning, making into stuff and baby proofing means we can prove our worth (but then maybe they will say we're not spontaneous!)  Aaaargh!

Hideous!

Anyhow.  I hope you are all well.  I've been really surprised by the stats lately, lots of you seem to be following what we are up to.  Do say hello!  It's nice to know who is here.  I'll try and be a bit more regular in my postings now things are starting to happen.

Take care. x

Awry

Awry
Adverb: out of the normal or correct position; askew.

This is me. Good word, awry.  I like words and I think this is just such an appropriate one.  I like it even more now I've looked up the definition.  I am out of normal and askew, but not necessarily in a bad way.  In one sense I'm so tired that I can barely hold up my own head, in another sense I know that my friends tell me you never new tired until you have kids.  In one sense I want to rush out and buy dungarees, in another sense I am trying to remain calm and realistic.  I'm not sure what I'm like at work. I sense that I might be waving my arms around and being slightly more random than usual.  Hopefully this is distracting and not hiding my general fatigue and lack of "with-it-ness"!

We had a talk at school from a motivational speaker this week and it made me boil with anger. Had I been there under my own steam I would have walked right out of there. Is was essentially the same old crap these people spout; self belief is all you need to succeed.  She seemed to firmly believe that having a goal at the age of 13 and believing she could do it was the sole reason she had achieved it.  I mean, I'm all for striving for your personal best, but clearly most of her success was down to luck, genes, timing and circumstances.  I just kept wondering how many people with the same dream at 13 got to live it?  Does she somehow think she deserved it more because she had more self belief?! What a load of rubbish.  It got me thinking about what you teach your kids...clearly I want our kids to have dreams and aspirations, but I want them to be happy more!  I think that sometimes these incredibly driven people are so focused on their goal that they never stop and notice all the brilliant things and experiences and people that there are in the world.  I kind of want to set up my own motivational speaking company where we talk about happiness and appreciation and flexibility of mind instead of the ridiculous self important single mindedness these "successful" people have.

Tsk.  That was an extension of my rant and only loosely connected to adoption!  Sorry!

So we are still waiting.  We have a countdown ap on our iPad!  We look at her picture every day and wonder if all adopters do that or if we are a bit mad.  We have made our introduction board book, photo cube and talking photo album.  We are childproofing. We are ready. In theory!  Can you ever really be ready, I wonder! And in just over a week we will visit where she lives right now, see her room and her things, but not her, and it will be so weird!  And then we will go back to work like nothing happened!

So, that's it. I am awry!  Happy, tired, emotional and excited.  Awry.