Thursday, 29 November 2012

Visiting the foster carer.


We had our visit with the foster carer. She was very solid and organised but was also looking after a very young baby so has her hands full. We are very relieved that she has had such steady and reliable care during the first part of her life, but we are looking forward to getting her home to be able to do all of the things that there isn't quite time for at the moment, like swimming and painting and play dough and splashing in puddles!

We have been buying lots of bits on eBay and bought our car seat today. We are really getting prepared! At the weekend we will build the cot and really get her room ready.  She is coming with hundreds of toys! Her birth mum and dad have bought her so many, and seeing them all made me feel really sad. Sad that these people who are such a big part of her are trying to fill the gap in their lives with toys and trying to make their presence felt, but it never really will be. If that makes sense. I felt sad for them, and sad for our daughter. The foster carer has taken photographs of every set of birthday and Christmas presents and said who they are from.  She is going to make a scrap book and will bring it when she comes for her final visit. She seems very caring and kind.

We are so close now. Less than 2 weeks until panel and then introduction after Christmas.  My excitement means I can't focus at work and I'm just all over the place!  I'm an emotional nightmare! I just want to get her home and give her a cuddle and finally have a chat with her. Apparently she is very chatty!

So close!  But the days are going so slowly!

Will blog again when I'm less pooped!  We are in the middle of washing bedding and clothing in the same detergent as the foster carer uses....lots to do!

Take care, everyone! X

Monday, 19 November 2012

Broken the seal...oops


I'm writing that (broken the seal) and I'm not sure if it's an expression that everyone uses or not, but basically what it means is that once you have broken the seal, you can't stop but until then, you manage, somehow to contain yourself.

My other half bought a pair of dungarees from a charity shop, thus breaking the seal and now I have spiralled out of control in some kind of ebay clothing frenzy.  Somehow I justify it to myself that it is cheap, which it is, relative to buying new, but still....tut tut. At this point I have no idea what she needs or how big she is so frankly, I am being ridiculous.  But...the seal is be it!  Someone on NFS told me to stop worrying and start buying dungarees so I'm only taking their advice.   And me and my partner are constantly trying to justify these things to ourself...she needs that so she will feel like one of us (baby converse, once we know her size), she needs a bright and awesome coat so I can see her easily in the's all just ridiculous really.

But the long and short of the matter is that we have tipped over the edge into massively excited.  I have a charm bracelet with charms on it from significant events in my life and I've just taken the liberty of buying myself a little stork.  Yup..excited, and currently (although not for long) with a disposable income.  We are hemorrhaging cash at an alarming rate currently, but hopefully it will die down after a while.  I like to think I'm not massively materialistic but the trouble is, I'm quite into fashion and I want her to look cool and quirky...nightmare!

On a serious and less frivolous note we are meeting the medical adviser tomorrow and have come up with a huge list of questions, but not as huge as the list of questions we have for the foster carer next that is huge!  Hopefully they won't mind...I guess if they really care about her thenn they shouldn't do.

Two things to point you in the direction of.
1. sell board books which you can put your photos on which is fabulous for intros.
2. OMG these dungarees are just the coolest.  They are going to be my present for our new daughter (although actually for me...clearly she won't actually care) after matching panel.

Eurgh.  After all that excitement I just put myself on a downer thinking about matching panel.  It still could not happen or be delayed or something hideous.  That would be really bad now.  We are too far gone to be able to cope with that one effectively!  Let's hope our ridiculous amounts of planning, making into stuff and baby proofing means we can prove our worth (but then maybe they will say we're not spontaneous!)  Aaaargh!


Anyhow.  I hope you are all well.  I've been really surprised by the stats lately, lots of you seem to be following what we are up to.  Do say hello!  It's nice to know who is here.  I'll try and be a bit more regular in my postings now things are starting to happen.

Take care. x

Thursday, 15 November 2012


Adverb: out of the normal or correct position; askew.

This is me. Good word, awry.  I like words and I think this is just such an appropriate one.  I like it even more now I've looked up the definition.  I am out of normal and askew, but not necessarily in a bad way.  In one sense I'm so tired that I can barely hold up my own head, in another sense I know that my friends tell me you never new tired until you have kids.  In one sense I want to rush out and buy dungarees, in another sense I am trying to remain calm and realistic.  I'm not sure what I'm like at work. I sense that I might be waving my arms around and being slightly more random than usual.  Hopefully this is distracting and not hiding my general fatigue and lack of "with-it-ness"!

We had a talk at school from a motivational speaker this week and it made me boil with anger. Had I been there under my own steam I would have walked right out of there. Is was essentially the same old crap these people spout; self belief is all you need to succeed.  She seemed to firmly believe that having a goal at the age of 13 and believing she could do it was the sole reason she had achieved it.  I mean, I'm all for striving for your personal best, but clearly most of her success was down to luck, genes, timing and circumstances.  I just kept wondering how many people with the same dream at 13 got to live it?  Does she somehow think she deserved it more because she had more self belief?! What a load of rubbish.  It got me thinking about what you teach your kids...clearly I want our kids to have dreams and aspirations, but I want them to be happy more!  I think that sometimes these incredibly driven people are so focused on their goal that they never stop and notice all the brilliant things and experiences and people that there are in the world.  I kind of want to set up my own motivational speaking company where we talk about happiness and appreciation and flexibility of mind instead of the ridiculous self important single mindedness these "successful" people have.

Tsk.  That was an extension of my rant and only loosely connected to adoption!  Sorry!

So we are still waiting.  We have a countdown ap on our iPad!  We look at her picture every day and wonder if all adopters do that or if we are a bit mad.  We have made our introduction board book, photo cube and talking photo album.  We are childproofing. We are ready. In theory!  Can you ever really be ready, I wonder! And in just over a week we will visit where she lives right now, see her room and her things, but not her, and it will be so weird!  And then we will go back to work like nothing happened!

So, that's it. I am awry!  Happy, tired, emotional and excited.  Awry.

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Guest post from Mama

Hello, Mama here. Mummy usually writes these but I felt like I wanted to write a few words on this blog so that we can read it back later and remember how we both were feeling.

Things are really starting to happen now: the social workers have emailed us copies of the photos of you that we saw when they first told us about you. The ones that I took one look at and thought “Wow, she’s our daughter, she belongs with us”.  We haven’t carried you in our tummies, we’re thankful to your birth mum for that, but I have been carrying you in my heart since then.  I also carry you on my phone!! I look at your pictures a lot and imagine what it will be like when you’re with us.

We have also had to write a statement to go with the papers at matching panel to say why we think we’d be good parents for you. We want to help you to be the best you can be and to navigate life’s difficult path. We know that you’ll probably be sad to leave your foster family, but we really hope that we can show you all the beauty in the world and have a fun time together.

Our paths are going to cross in two weeks’ time. We’re coming to your house to meet your foster family. You are going to go out for a while, so we won’t meet, but we’ll get to see your home, where you sleep, your toys, where you eat. You probably won’t realise, but maybe we can leave some of our energy behind – I wonder if it will register with you?

It’s really starting to hit home now that this is going to happen. I want it more than anything in the world, and I frequently well up in everyday situations because I’m living my life without you in it for the next two months. I do feel a bit scared though. I want you to know that Mummy and I are going to look after you and help you grow, and I want you to feel reassured that together we can do anything. I’m quite nervous about washing you, dressing you, feeding you and wrestling you into a buggy or car seat! I’m not really used to it, but I’m trying to have a positive mental attitude! We’ll all be getting used to each other, but I’m looking forward to us growing together.

See you soon x