Thursday, 14 March 2013

Bath time!

For me! 

9 weeks in and tomorrow Mama is taking Squiblet to the library while I stay at home and have a bath! Brilliant! I think an hour to myself and I will be 100% back on form!

Squiblet is still snotty but is getting there. I'm absolutely bowled over by her speech at the moment. She is really getting into her imaginative play. Today she actually played happily for 5 minutes without me there. This is a real breakthrough! I was very excited! It makes me feel like she is getting more and more settled. It's really cute how she narrates what they are doing "'! Slide...up up up...wheeeee!" It's lovely to listen to and really makes me smile. She really is such a sunny little thing! She had her hair cut today and spent most of it grinning at me and saying "chop chop snip" whilst making cutting actions with her hands. She has started making sentences like "George...where are you? He's hiding!" Which I think is pretty blooming impressive for a 22 monther! I'm turning into one of those parents who thinks their child is a genius...oops!

We made a hummingbird cake today...delicious! She loves baking with me! She gets so excited! She was tasting and smelling all the ingredients and she loves to narrate; "pouring, mixing, stirring, eggs...bash, bash...CRACK!!" It's really jolly. We made a mess but we also made a delicious cake and had lots of fun!

Before I go I want to give a shout out to my friends and family. It's been a really hard week and they have all been there in the background with positive texts, words of wisdom, and my parents have been face timing with Squiblet and keeping her amused by taking her on tours of their house! It's been great to have this quietly brilliant and supportive group of people right behind us when we need them.

And a shout out to Mama too, of course! Because we are a "ramily" now! :D

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

The sun has got his hat on...

Hello all,

The sun has got his hat back on. I'm out from under my cloud. Squiblet is poorly but we have been enjoying lots of cuddles and TV and quiet play and all has been well. I tried out aqua beads as recommended by many jolly creative parenting blogs and they went down very well. She enjoyed playing with them and exploring how they got bigger and bounced and squished and things. And that made me feel like a good mummy again.
I'm glad I have so many friends and lovely parents and a partner to talk to about how I feel. It makes me feel like actually, I am doing a good job despite sometimes when I'm tired, not really feeling like it at all.
It's funny how when they are ill, they still seem to be full of beans but teetering on the edge of chaos. She keeps wandering around saying "poorly, mummy!" Poor old sausage!

So things are slowly returning to normal. I feel like I've got my normal, positive hat on and I'm back to feeling happy and contented with our wonderful new life. Phew! I didn't like being trapped in a cloud!

Tuesday, 12 March 2013

Under a little cloud

Ooops. I'm under a little cloud again. Yesterday was a good day but now Squiblet has a cold and is generally feeling rotten which means she is being a pickle in the extreme and I'm trying to be caring and sympathetic when she splats weetabix everywhere and spits out her cereal but it's not that easy! I don't feel like much of a super mum. I feel exhausted and massively lacking in patience. It's hard because if she isn't eating because she doesn't feel well, I still have to do something about the fact that she is massively acting up. And today I just couldn't face more of the agro at meal times. 

I just feel too tired to deal with it with the patience I need. I made her sit in her high chair while I cleared it up and I was less sympathetic and gentle when I wiped her face. I think a small part of me wanted her to feel upset because she had upset me, but it's ridiculous because she is not even two and I'm an adult and should stop being such a nob. 

She's just snuggled up and had cuddles and medicine and gone down for her nap. I need to go and have a snooze and try to get rid of this horrible overwhelming tired feeling which means I'm not being the mum I want to be.

Everyone says it's ok to just be "good enough" sometimes and I know I am being "good enough." I'm not usually perfectionist by any means but I hate the part of me which wants her to feel bad when she has thrown food or whatever. I don't want to turn into some kind of nutty punitive parent! 

Still, lunch was fine and we popped over to see my neighbour who is a jolly old soul and cheered me and Squiblet up.  I know she is ill because she is actually sitting still to watch television and not getting up after 5 minutes!  We gave swimming a miss today, partly because I couldn't face the fallout as I wasn't sure she was up to it.

It's all making me feel pretty rubbish although once again, I feel better after a little ramble on here.

I'm sure things will look up soon, and they aren't even that bad with a rational head on, unfortunately I'm lacking that vital piece of mum equipment at the moment. I think my rational head is probably hidden somewhere under my big fluffy duvet...I'm fact...I might have to go and look for it now!X

Sunday, 10 March 2013

Things are on the up!


Thought I would update anyone concerned that Mama is now loads better. I feel reassured that I can do it on my own if necessary (despite minor exhaustion and craziness) and life is returning to normal.

Squiblet now has a cold but seems to be enjoying the medicine, extra cuddles and jelly which having a cold comes along with.

I'm loving her speech and her creative play at the moment! Grandma (my mum) really kickstarted her pretend play last time she was here and now it's wonderful to watch her playing independently with her happyland and Duplo. It's brilliant. We all had a cuddle the other day and she said "ramily" aka "family!" We all melted a little bit.

I'm still wondering about work in the future. What I could do which would fit in with being the parent I want to be to squiblet. I'm not sure there is an ideal solution. Let me know if you think of one!

We are heading out to Grandma and Grandad's for our first overnight trip in the next few weeks. We have face timed with Grandma and she has shown us the house and the cot so I'm hoping it goes well.  Will let you know.

Love to you all.


Friday, 8 March 2013

A tough week.

This week has been the hardest by far. I think this morning I cried my first tears of exhaustion. I'm going to have a quick vent to make myself feel better and then I'll move onto some wonderful positives. Mama has norovirus so I'm basically a single parent and boy do I feel for you single parents out there now! Where do you go for help?! I feel like I can't have people round in case they get ill and running the house and looking after Squiblet 7-7 is just pretty exhausting! She's been great though. Lots of smiles and cuddles and just generally being chipper. She's been refusing food and messing about at meal times a bit more lately.  I think it's because our niece (almost 2) was here at the weekend and she wasn't well so she was refusing her food and putting her head on the clearly squiblet thinks that's the way to get cuddles and attention. Eurgh! It's just annoying that it had to happen now when I'm running on empty! Still, my friend with twins says you just put the food out and if they don't eat it, don't beat yourself up about it, just leave them be, and I guess that's what I'll do. But it's not great when she's throwing things on the floor!

So...positives...I promised you positives and there are lots! Her walking is just amazingly brilliant now! She can do it on her own but she lacks the confidence still. I have made a few local mum friends and she has made some friends at play group and that makes me feel better! I was worried that everyone was so cliquey that I would never find a way in! She is climbing climbing frames and whizzing down slides and she is all smiles and giggles (mostly!). Her emotional intelligence is really developing which is wonderful to watch as it is something which I really value. We have been using Todd Parr's emotions book and talking a lot about people feeling sad or grumpy. Now, sometimes when she is being a bit grizzly she smiles at me and says "grumpy". It's like putting a label on her feelings makes them feel better, it's amazing really. Her speech is coming along too. She is putting more words together now and saying please and thank you all the time which makes me smile. She's great. Writing all this positive stuff is making me feel so much better but I still feel so tired I want to cry! We are having some kind of packet risotto for dinner. The packet says "add hot water". I used to be a Veggy box- cook-it-all-from-scratch type of person! It makes me feel a bit sad.

Oop. Sounds like she is waking up. Today really wasn't the day for a 50 minute nap.  I need my 2 hours!

Hope this isn't too negative.

Must go