Adverb: out of the normal or correct position; askew.
This is me. Good word, awry. I like words and I think this is just such an appropriate one. I like it even more now I've looked up the definition. I am out of normal and askew, but not necessarily in a bad way. In one sense I'm so tired that I can barely hold up my own head, in another sense I know that my friends tell me you never new tired until you have kids. In one sense I want to rush out and buy dungarees, in another sense I am trying to remain calm and realistic. I'm not sure what I'm like at work. I sense that I might be waving my arms around and being slightly more random than usual. Hopefully this is distracting and not hiding my general fatigue and lack of "with-it-ness"!
We had a talk at school from a motivational speaker this week and it made me boil with anger. Had I been there under my own steam I would have walked right out of there. Is was essentially the same old crap these people spout; self belief is all you need to succeed. She seemed to firmly believe that having a goal at the age of 13 and believing she could do it was the sole reason she had achieved it. I mean, I'm all for striving for your personal best, but clearly most of her success was down to luck, genes, timing and circumstances. I just kept wondering how many people with the same dream at 13 got to live it? Does she somehow think she deserved it more because she had more self belief?! What a load of rubbish. It got me thinking about what you teach your kids...clearly I want our kids to have dreams and aspirations, but I want them to be happy more! I think that sometimes these incredibly driven people are so focused on their goal that they never stop and notice all the brilliant things and experiences and people that there are in the world. I kind of want to set up my own motivational speaking company where we talk about happiness and appreciation and flexibility of mind instead of the ridiculous self important single mindedness these "successful" people have.
Tsk. That was an extension of my rant and only loosely connected to adoption! Sorry!
So we are still waiting. We have a countdown ap on our iPad! We look at her picture every day and wonder if all adopters do that or if we are a bit mad. We have made our introduction board book, photo cube and talking photo album. We are childproofing. We are ready. In theory! Can you ever really be ready, I wonder! And in just over a week we will visit where she lives right now, see her room and her things, but not her, and it will be so weird! And then we will go back to work like nothing happened!
So, that's it. I am awry! Happy, tired, emotional and excited. Awry.