Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Meeting birth mum and intros planning.

We met with birth mum this week and it was easily one of the hardest, and yet most valuable things I think I have ever done.

She was crying when we went in to the room, but we managed to talk gently about "not much at all" until she was calmer and more able to talk to us.

I think it made me even more aware of where our daughter as come from and that it will always be a part of her, that her birth mum will always be out there, and will always think of our daughter as her daughter.  But that's OK.  And I honestly feel like I don't mind if in hr heart she still believes she is Mummy, because I know that I will be our daughter's mummy because I will share her life with her.  But if our daughter wants to explore where she came from, and explore the part of herself for which she has no memories, then I want to help her do that.  I don't want her to have gaping, mysterious holes in her early life history.  We made it very clear to birth mum that we wanted to share her story with our daughter and to make sure that she had a good understanding of who she is and where she came from.

I suspect that's a bit of a ramble.  But I honestly do believe that life story work is so hugely important; much as it is helpful for birth mum to know that her daughter will know she exists; it's far more important to me that our daughter knows about her birth family for her, and the fact that it helps birth mum is just an extension of that.

Birth mum asked us a few questions, but she might email more via her social worker as she was a bit unsure.  She did say that she was very happy that her daughter was being adopted by two women but she was worried about bullying, and we talked to her about that.  She asked us how we were going to parent and we talked about outdoors and fun and exploratio and learning through doing.

It was a very positive meeting.  It ended on a high, with a happy photograph for the life story book and it did go really well.  I just feel like I have run a marathon today!  I was choosing my words very carefully as I so wanted everything to go well, and thankfully it did.

So then we went and picked up a high chair :D


And we had our intros planning.  Ten days from 1 1/2 hours on the first day to day ten when we take her home!  I can't wait!  And we are meeting her in person for a "viewing" in a few days time.

What an emotional wreck I am!  It has been a rollercoaster few days.  The tears from the meeting today havent quite surfaces yet.  I'm waiting for it to happen.  It's just so sad that this young woman had her three children taken away because she was so squashed by life that she wasn't able to parent them. I hope she can pick up and move on and do more with her life now.  I'm really hoping for positive contact letters but we will see.

Right. Time to drink a cup of tea and breathe!


Aaaaand.....breathe!  Calm.....calm thoughts!



Thursday, 13 December 2012



Sorry I didn't post yesterday.  I wasn't really in the right mood to sit down and be pensive.  However today I just typed bee (as in, buzzy) instead of be, so I might not be much better now but I'll make some attempt!

Panel went really well.  We spent a long time a few weeks ago writing answers to the questions we were asked for her report and it certainly paid off.  They said that because the information we had provided was so comprehensive they only had three questions for us.

1. Did we understand that there was a degree of uncertainty around LO's development and paternal history?

erm...yes, we understand, we're ok with it, we'll do our best and love her whatever.

2. What would we do if we felt we needed someone at home for longer than one year?

erm...we would have someone at home for longer than a year!

3. How will you cope when she is a grumpy teen?

well, she might not be!  Hopefully our good parenting [we hope] will pay off!  But if she is a grumpy teen we will love her anyway.  We will try and make sure she is happy and can talk to us and feels like we are a family where it's OK to make mistakes.  And other ramblings by me...I rambled quite a lot on this one!

And then we showed our intros stuff.
  • Tomy talking photo album (seriously embarrassing)
  • Cute little buggy book with our pictures in
  • Fuzzy photo cube with our pictures on
  • Mommy, momma and me
  • A DVD we made too.
They *loved* it!  The chairman had to tell everyone to be quiet as they were cooing over everything so enthusiastically!  So that was nice.  Made us feel like we had done something right even though we didn't have any help/guidance from SS the lovely, knowledgable wise owls over at New Family Social gave us lots of ideas and we used all of them!

So that was it.  We went out for 5 minutes, came back in and they announced that we are going to be mums!

I've just finished my last day at school.

I'm actually going to be a mummy!

And....wait for it.....




So exciting!  Proper intros won't start until after new year but they are still looking at starting as early as possible.

But it's still only a might for the "viewing" next week which is what they are very weirdly calling it.

So strange.

But I don't care because I'm going to be one of two very happy mums!

I have just invested in a pair of Grubbies dungarees, a Hatley raincoat and a twilight turtle.  Must avoid buying too much ridiculous rubbish....I don't think any of these are excessive.  She's going to need them for all the fun we're going to have!  I'm getting a zoo pass for Christmas!


Sorry.  I'm a wee bit excited!

We are having a party on Saturday and all the wonderful people who have helped and supported us along the way will be there.  So great.  I'm really looking forward to it!

Happy, happy days!

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Matching panel tomorrow...

So here we are, matching panel tomorrow...crazy times.

It's been well over a year since I started this blog and I can't believe how close we are now.

The medical adviser told us some of the questions they are likely to ask us
  • Is there anything we are worried about?
  • Do we understand that there is some uncertainly surrounding her past?
  • How will we cope when she is a hideous teenager?
  • Why do we think we will make good parents for her?
We have chatted about all of these so hopefully will have strong answers but hopefully the panel will like them.  Bloody hell, it's so scary!

We love her already and she's not ours yet.  There is still a chance it could be game over and then what will happen...happen to her and happen to us?  So scary.  But so exciting too!  In less than 24 hours we will know whether or not that gorgeous, smiley girl from the photographs will be our daughter...and then we can stop being scared and start being excited!

Just a short post as I want to collapse in a heap. I'm thinking Elf might be in order!


Monday, 3 December 2012

Getting "ready"

I'm not sure if we are premature in our preparations given that we haven't yet been to panel, but we are now "ready" for our new arrival.  We spent the weekend sorting out the room, unwrapping things we have bought and washing anything new in the same laundry liquid that the foster carer uses.  Her room looks really pretty.  I bought these alphabet wall stickers from chocovenyl:

So now her name is on the wall.  She's not old enough to know but it made me feel a real contrast to kids who are adopted and kids who are in foster care.  We have spent ages making a room which is hers and will feel like her space, which although it seems superficial, I think it's actually hugely important.  It's hard to feel special when you know that loads of other people have slept where you slept and used all the things you use. I'm becoming quite passionate about children in care and I wonder if my career will head in that direction at some point.  It's a massive leap from teaching in a private school but part of me feels like I want to do more than adopt one or two.

Talking of one or two.  Right now I can't imagine having two children.  I am so excited about being a three person family.  I am looking forward to there being two of us and one of her and we have so many close friends with children that I'm sure she will make some really strong relationships there.  I wonder if I will change my mind in a few years time...maybe!

I have been using my energy in ridiculous over planning!  Yes...I've written out the recipes for play dough and salt dough, laminated them and put them on my blackboard.  I've made a bag for junk modelling and given it a cute little (laminated - obv) label.  I'm hugely inspired by Anna over at:

Brilliant!  I now have a shopping list which includes huge amounts of salt.

Maybe when I'm busy mummying about I'll find inspiration to blog about the activities we do.  I'm so excited about all the things we will do together, and all the things we will introduce her to which she hasn't seen or done! Swimming, play dough, painting, chalk... so exciting.

I'm formulating a plan to be a mumtrepeneur.  I think that's what they call them.  Right now I have no idea what sort, and I suspect this may be a pipe dream, but I can dream!  If the mumtrepeneuring doesn't work out I will be back to work part time in a year....I suspect this is the most likely course of events! Still...I do love my job, I'm just already worrying about not being there to excite and stimulate our baby (and me!).

Still...there is plenty of time to worry about that!

Only a week and a bit until panel...and then Christmas and then...that gro-bag I've just washed won't be so shiny and new any more!

Take care everyone! x