Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Remarkably unremarkable!

Hello chaps.

Sorry for my lack of posts. I guess things have been remarkably unremarkable here so I haven't felt the need to say much.  She's napping at the moment. She is going down for at least 2 hours in the day at the moment.  I think she is just absolutely exhausted from learning to walk. It's nice to have 2 hours in the middle of the day to potter about and settle myself. Yesterday at 4.00 I felt absolutely exhausted! On Mondays my other half gets home late from work (not really late, 5.20 rather than 4.40) but I really feel the difference as it's her crankiest time of day! I wasn't being a terrible mother or anything but I just felt exhausted, like I didn't have the energy to pick her up any more! Physically exhausted!

The article in G3 magazine about lgbt adoption and fostering week is now out. I feel quite proud that someone decided to publish a little bit of my blog. It makes me feel like what I'm writing is worthwhile for more than just me!

I keep wondering about what I will do in a year's time. The half term holiday has made me pensive (has it really been a whole half term (!) off already?! Whether to go back to work, find a different job, remain a full time mum, try and become some sort of mumtrepeneur (!) ...not sure how I would manage that one....hmm. I like to have a plan so I keep pondering it in my head although everyone keeps saying "don't worry about it now, just enjoy your time off" I'm not very good at that! I feel like I won't have the energy for teaching and with all the parents' evenings, reports, homework marking etc etc teaching part time doesn't represent a good work life balance even though the holidays are good. But more than that, teaching just makes you so tired! Some kind of working from home would be good I suppose....or something local.

Hmmm...I ponder and I ponder.

Squiblet is so much more settled now. She really enjoys it when we have visitors, she loves the social interaction and she just seems to enjoy life and have a jolly old time pottering about!

It's glorious sunshine and all the bulbs are popping up in our garden. I've spent the morning playing in the sandpit and pushing my baby on a swing. This time last year we were living in someone else's house whilst ours was knocked down! How life has changed!

Let me know if any of you lovely readers have any suggestions for being a working mum! Or just any toddler amusement suggestions in general!

Much love xx

Sunday, 10 February 2013

A bit of a rambling post!


Firstly, apologies for the new font and weird format of the blog lately. I've been typing quickly on my iPad in Notes and it's not so easy to format it. At least it's still legible!

What I've been thinking about lately is whether or not our daughter is "just a normal toddler". Some people say that to us and it got me pondering.  I mean...is she? Well on the face of it she's a well behaved little cutie pie who loves people and is incredibly charming and engaging, but then on the other hand she has experienced more losses in her 20 months than I've experienced in my 29 years. Is it surprising that her concept of "gone!" as she so often says with a forlorn look on her face is rather different to the gone which other toddlers understand? We've been trying very hard to manage hellos and goodbyes.  So and so is coming today, she is mummy's friend....so and so is going now, let's say goodbye and wave them off. At nap time we say goodbye to all the things in her room and "see you after my nap!" Is it really surprising that she needs reassurance?  One day the lady she called Mummy disappeared in floods of tears (probably) and a new Mummy appeared, then all the people she had ever known suddenly disappeared too and she was living in a totally different house and having to get to know a completely new set of people. If she's managing to behave like a normal toddler it's a bloody miracle! It's amazing! It's unbelievably unlikely that it could ever be that way and yet it is.  She is happy.  She throws her head back and laughs with such vigour and enthusiasm that tears pop out of her eyes.  She chuckles so hard sometimes it makes her cough! She looks in the mirror and grins at her reflection.  She is proud of her room, proud to take ownership, proud of having her name on the wall above her cot! This little girl has been through more than I ever will, and yet here she is, and here she smiles and here she laughs and most days we just get on with loving and enjoying her but when you stop and think about how absolutely incredible and amazing this little girl is you can't help but be blown away by it all.  

We don't know if it's us, or the work her foster carers did, or just the fact that she is a resilient little sausage, but we will try not to forget that our daughter is not "just like any other toddler", and if she seems that way, it's because of how incredible she is! The fact that she seems ordinary with all she has been through just makes her all the more extraordinary. I love her so much!  I love it when she says "Mummy!" I don't care if she's whining it or shouting it or gleefully smiling at me as she says it, I'm her Mummy! She has a Mummy and a Mama who love her more than they ever realised they would. A Mummy and Mama who lie in bed listening to her breathing and snuffling and talking to herself and think it's the best sound in the world. I love watching her with other people, I love the way she makes friends with our friends and plays with them and is kind to them. I love the way she tickles and strokes our friend's 3 month old baby.  I love the way she insists on walking everywhere, even though it can be super exasperating! I love the way she talks! I just love her!

She had 2 days where she tantrum cried before her naps but she's over that now. That was hard. I wasn't quite sure what to do, but on the second day I was so close to a migraine that I thought I would probably vomit on her head if I didn't get out of there and take some pills and within 2 minutes she was quiet. Funny creatures, toddlers! We had a proper stare off yesterday when I was trying to get her to give me her spoon. She was tapping her hand on the table and looking away to avoid my teacher stare! In the end I had to forcibly remove said spoon.  But I love that she is testing boundaries and being a proper toddler. I think it means she is settling really well.

Sorry for a slightly rambling and emotional post. I guess I'm just feeling quite rambling and emotional!

Love to everyone.

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Quick update!


Just thought I would blog quickly during Mr Tumble! Squiblet only watches 20 minutes of TV a day so I'm making the most of it!

Mama took her swimming today and it was the first time I've been apart from her since she moved in. It was very weird. I felt strangely liberated but also missed her loads! I do miss her cheeky face.

Today we weren't paying her enough attention at lunch time and she started moving her eyebrows up and down and saying "up and down!" It was a. Hilarious and b. Most impressive for an 18 month old! She is so great! She does make us laugh too!  That one is definitely going in the book.

We have been using a little life back pack with her and she is taking independent steps quite confidently with the security of me holding the strap so she knows she is safe. It's great for us as we can tell how much support she is taking, and you can't really when she is holding your hand.

We visited our local surestart playgroup on Monday and it was so great! Loads of fun things to play with, a great mixture of kids and a wonderful safe outdoor play space. The lady who ran it was really kind and helpful and Squiblet had a really good time.  I spoke to a few Mums, but I haven't made any proper friends yet! I'm hoping to make some local Mum contacts soon as all my friends with kids are a little way away.  Hopefully that will happen soon. It's harder to chat and make friends when you are keeping your eyes on a semi-mobile toddler who is covered in glitter! I'll get there! 

I'm a smidge run down at the moment, rather fatigued with a mouthful of ulcers so not feeling my best but Granny is here and Mama is being her usual great self so all is well!

I'm getting pretty used to being a Mummy now. We have been so busy we haven't had too much time for crafting and things yet. I've got plans for Valentines cards, Mother's Day things and salt dough food for her toy kitchen but they can all wait for now!

Rhyme time tomorrow! Exciting!

Our latest kid friendly purchase is an i-guy case for the iPad so that Squiblet can use it and FaceTime her grandparents and things without me needing to help much.

Tumble is over and Squiblet is invading "Mummy, climb!"

Better go!