Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Meeting birth mum and intros planning.

We met with birth mum this week and it was easily one of the hardest, and yet most valuable things I think I have ever done.

She was crying when we went in to the room, but we managed to talk gently about "not much at all" until she was calmer and more able to talk to us.

I think it made me even more aware of where our daughter as come from and that it will always be a part of her, that her birth mum will always be out there, and will always think of our daughter as her daughter.  But that's OK.  And I honestly feel like I don't mind if in hr heart she still believes she is Mummy, because I know that I will be our daughter's mummy because I will share her life with her.  But if our daughter wants to explore where she came from, and explore the part of herself for which she has no memories, then I want to help her do that.  I don't want her to have gaping, mysterious holes in her early life history.  We made it very clear to birth mum that we wanted to share her story with our daughter and to make sure that she had a good understanding of who she is and where she came from.

I suspect that's a bit of a ramble.  But I honestly do believe that life story work is so hugely important; much as it is helpful for birth mum to know that her daughter will know she exists; it's far more important to me that our daughter knows about her birth family for her, and the fact that it helps birth mum is just an extension of that.

Birth mum asked us a few questions, but she might email more via her social worker as she was a bit unsure.  She did say that she was very happy that her daughter was being adopted by two women but she was worried about bullying, and we talked to her about that.  She asked us how we were going to parent and we talked about outdoors and fun and exploratio and learning through doing.

It was a very positive meeting.  It ended on a high, with a happy photograph for the life story book and it did go really well.  I just feel like I have run a marathon today!  I was choosing my words very carefully as I so wanted everything to go well, and thankfully it did.

So then we went and picked up a high chair :D


And we had our intros planning.  Ten days from 1 1/2 hours on the first day to day ten when we take her home!  I can't wait!  And we are meeting her in person for a "viewing" in a few days time.

What an emotional wreck I am!  It has been a rollercoaster few days.  The tears from the meeting today havent quite surfaces yet.  I'm waiting for it to happen.  It's just so sad that this young woman had her three children taken away because she was so squashed by life that she wasn't able to parent them. I hope she can pick up and move on and do more with her life now.  I'm really hoping for positive contact letters but we will see.

Right. Time to drink a cup of tea and breathe!


Aaaaand.....breathe!  Calm.....calm thoughts!




  1. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, my partner and I are about to start on the journey which I hope leads to adopting two children. We are very much in the information gathering and reading books stage at the moment; whilst we wait for the flat renovations to be finished.

  2. Hello,

    I'm glad you have found it useful. I can't believe the journey we have made since I started blogging!

    Good luck with everything and do let me know how you get on. Happy new year! X