Somehow our assessment process is complete; I
thought it would sort of go on indefinitely and had got used to being “prospective
adopters” but now it sounds like we’re not going to be “prospective adopters”
for very long at all. We had our final
social worker visit on Friday and the house safety check...nothing too
exciting:
- · Are your chemicals in a locked cupboard?
- · Are your blind cords tied up?
- · Do you have socket protectors?
- · Do you have a pond?
And our lovely social worker is going to email us our PAR
next week for us to read through and check.
Our friends who are approved adopters came round for dinner on Saturday
and were really emphatic about how important the PAR is in the matching process
as if you go out of county it’s the only way the other social workers get to
find out about you so we are going to scrutinise it very carefully and make
sure it sounds like us. Our social
worker has been so lovely and seems to know us well so I’m not expecting any
huge errors or bizarre assumptions but it will be nice to have the document. In a way it’s quite nice to have external
approval from our friends, family and a social worker that we will make good
parents. I just really hope we can be.
So apart from panel in a month’s time, we’re all set...which
is a bit mad really! I’m not complaining
though! I have been very impressed with
the time scale especially given what people told us and all the newspaper
reports about the adoption system.
So that’s the kind of “nuts and bolts” news. But in other (more crazy) news, our social
worker told us that two sibling pair groups with both siblings under the age of
3 are coming through the system at the moment and they have already decided
that we would be a good match with them and they don’t get many adopters who
are approved for two. I’ve kicked into
some sort of crazy, excited, panicky, stress-filled overdrive now. I know I shouldn’t because nothing is certain
and we haven’t been approved yet etc. etc. but our social worker told me to get
lots of practise dressing/bathing kids etc. etc. so I can be really speedy when
we have two. I should clarify that we’re
not being pushed into this...we have always said we don’t mind one or two...but
because we had an extra room built in our house, that was always going to be
the nursery so we have decorated it a bit and we’re pretty much ready for
one. If we have two then we have to
re-organise and decorate our current spare bedroom which doesn’t sound too
stressful now I’m actually typing it, but I’m a stress-minimiser. I manage my stress by being ultra prepared
for things so I have no need to be stressed.
To be honest it’s probably not the bedroom decorating as such that’s
worrying me, it’s more the fact that in potentially three months time, our
household could expand from 2 to 4.
Which is wonderful, and exciting and brilliant. But three months isn’t very long and I’m not
sure I’ll ever be able to relax ever again!
Even though I should be spending lots of time relaxing because I won’t
have time in three months time.
Sorry if this post is a little disordered. It’s accurately reflecting what’s going on in
my brain. I’m unbelievably excited, but
then I worry that I shouldn’t be because it could still take a long time and
could not happen like she said. But then
I think it’s unlikely our social worker would have said this if she didn’t
believe it as she is very kind and nice and intuitive and I don’t think she
would deliberately mislead us.
So we have finally given up trying to be pragmatic and
sensible and have tipped over into fully embracing this adoption and really
getting ready, both physically and emotionally, for the little people (person?)
who are about to enter our lives. I was
feeling pretty unsettled when I started writing this entry and it has
definitely helped so thanks everyone!
My Mum and Dad are being great too...they have said that
they will come down and help decorate/whatever we need. But my Mum said to me “I think you just need
to keep calm about it all until you know more” which is sound advice and easy
to say, but just not happening for me!
The weirdest part is that I don’t know whether I will be going back to
school in September. I don’t know what
my life will be like in a few months time.
It could be just like it is now, or there might be two children in the
house and everything will be totally and irreversibly different. It could be years before I’m a full time
teacher again. It’s just all a bit
crazy. I am just so looking forward to
being a Mummy now, and it seems like everything we do, we’re having to think
about the imaginary children which aren’t ours yet. Even buying a sofa you think...is that
pattern good for sticky fingers? Will we
all fit for family cuddles?! But then
they’re not imaginary really...they’re real...they’re born and probably already
in foster care, but we just don’t know who they are yet. But I really shouldn’t go there because it
will drive me even more mad.
At least with a pregnancy you get nine months notice. With adoption it’s like you’re trying to
conceive for months and months (or years) and then suddenly the gestation is 2
months! It’s totally mad. It seems that either you are massively
self-disciplined and try not to think about it at all, and then buy everything
in a great big rush, or you let them in, open your heart and prepare yourself
for your new arrivals, but also guard yourself against disappointment and pain
and a big long wait.
So...that’s where I am...I’m somewhere that I don’t really
know where it is. I’m excited but I’m
trying not to be excited; I’m stressed, but I’m trying to keep calm and
reasonable and I’ve got no idea whatsoever what the next few months hold. But I’m in my house, I’ve got my wonderful
partner, our house is ready and big enough to be a family home and yesterday we
picked up our new chickens. I think
emotionally and physically we are ready, it’s just the uncertainty and lack of
time scale which is the hardest bit but we’ll muddle through the next few
months somehow.
I’ll try and blog again when we’ve received our PAR and let
you know what we thought.
Take care everyone.
No comments:
Post a Comment