Happy New Year…1 year with Squiblet

It's almost not worth me apologising for my lack of posts as I seem to do it every time I post.  Naps are few and far between these days and I can never muster up the energy to write in the evenings.

It's a year tomorrow that Squiblet moved in.  That funny old day where we drove to her foster carer's, picked her up and never looked back.  It's made me reflective….I had a weep at rhyme time because she sang the whole of Hickory Dickory Dock and did all the actions.  If I met me, and heard me tell me that, I would think I was the world's biggest nob!  It's not the fact that she can do it, it's the fact that she DID do it!  This time last year this pale little thing was surgically attached to me the whole time, watching the proceedings with wide eyes and insisting I cradle her.  Now she leads the group.  It's staggering.  Likewise at swimming this week (at least my eyes were wet anyway) when she cried "I not need you, Mummy!" and sat on the steps of the swimming pool merrily pouring watering can after watering can of water over her head and giggling hysterically.  From the girl who, just a year ago, didn't even want to get in the bath.

And now she's cheeky and wilful and knows her own mind.  She used to let all the other children go first, now she will push them out of the way…and I know…that clearly must be managed, and she's getting there.  But really, it's something to celebrate.  She now knows how to grab the world with both hands and embrace it, live it, enjoy it, love it and not just let the world turn while she watches on.  She still is a people watcher, like me, that's obviously part of her personality, but now she interacts with the people she watches; "what you doing, Man?" "Where you going, lady?!" Are often shouted across the street - I'm leaving stranger danger until she's a bit older as she just brightens so many people's days!

Christmas was a beautiful day full of surprises and smiles.  Mama did all of the cooking (with Granny) which meant that Squiblet could be as clingy as she wanted to be (which I expected she might be as it was a busy, full on day) and I didn't have to do anything but pander to her.  The most stressful time to have a clingy child is when you are cooking and you have to choose between wailing child and burned food….so there was none of that!  I opened presents, supervised scooting and sat down at 1.30 where my dinner was presented to me!  Perfect.

And so life has settled into a wonderfully normal sort of family life.  And reflecting on the past year, I think most of the time I have managed to be the sort of Mummy I had hoped I would be.  The hardest part is when you are tired and other things are demanding your time, or when anybody is ill…and now I've accepted that at those times I won't be a salt dough making, play dough creating, nature walking super mum, but that that's OK…it's actually more than OK…it's important for Squiblet to understand that I am a human being!

And now that everything has settled down, what are we doing?!  Only moving house!  Luckily Topsy and Tim are moving house so Squiblet is down with moving (they are currently her idols!) We are moving to be closer to Mama's work (currently a 45 minute commute) which should make family life easier, and if we move now then Squiblet will start preschool in the feeder to her primary school, which will be nice.  So that's a bit nuts.  The estate agents have organised an open house rather than having sporadic viewings, and I've arranged with my neighbour to fill her spare room with all our junk, booked a cleaner and arranged it for a weekend we go away!  So that should be good!  Hopefully we will find somewhere we really love too.  We love our house…. :(  but I'm sure we can find somewhere we will love just as much…and there will be a swimming pool we can walk to, which is another upside!

I'm taking part in 100happydays (www.100happydays.com) over on twitter @twomumstwokids which has been really fun.


Hopefully it won't be too long until I blog again!

Happy new year!

xx

Secret santa! Guest post from Dear Daughter

Hello,

We are taking part in The Adoption Social's Secret Santa and this blog post is my gift from Dear Daughter, our adoption journey http://www.dear-daughter-our-adoption.blogspot.co.uk/

Enjoy! 

I like my traditions and Christmas is a big time for traditions.  Traditions shaped my childhood Christmas memories – advent calendar, making the Christmas cake, turkey, opening pressies in our PJs, small presents for the Christmas dinner table, seeing the crib in the local church, carol service, making mince pies and Christmas Log, watching Christmas Top of the Pops … and many more.   Of course, tradition can also be read as ‘routine’ and we know how much our adopted children love routine. 

I always have a warm feeling inside when I think of Christmas as a child and I’d love my daughter to have that same warm feeling when she grows up.  This is the second Christmas we’re celebrating together as a family, her second with an advent calendar and she loves opening it this year – last year I was definitely the most excited probably because she’d never had one before.  We’re making mince pies next week and we’ve started what hopefully will be a new tradition of each making one new decoration for the tree.  We’re collecting the tree this Sunday after the local family Christingle service (her first one) and will celebrate later in the day with a roast pork tenderloin.   Christmas Eve curry, in recent years, has become a new tradition for me and Daddy anyway and since our daughter has recently developed a liking for them, I foresee a new family tradition being set down.   

As time goes on, I hope we’ll develop new family traditions but also incorporate some more of our longstanding traditions too to help make Christmas fun and memorable.

Stories: for WASO

Hello,

I really feel I should apologise for my lack of blogs lately.  We've given up on nap time now and when we get to the evening I've just been collapsing in a heap.  We've just had a stinker of a week.  Squiblet had a really nasty cold and was up every two hours in the night and just generally feeling miserable…then I got Squiblet's cold…then I got some hideous bacterial infection of my uvula (the waggler at the back of your mouth) and couldn't eat/drink/talk.  Antibiotics and crazy painkillers later and I'm able to sleep, eat a bit and drink a bit.  Mama has taken Squiblet out while I sit by the fire and I thought it seemed like a good time to sit down and write.  So here goes…stories…what a lovely theme.

Squiblet loves books, she loves stories; one of my favourite Mama and Squiblet moments was when Squiblet pulled her 'tend [pretend] book (a folded piece of blank cardboard) and asked Mama to tell her a story.  Mama was so brilliant!  I had no idea!  I was doing the clearing up in the kitchen and I could hear these tales of Squiblet riding on a swan and frogs granting wishes and all sorts.  Squiblet was completely enchanted and so was I!  It was a really precious moment to be able to eavesdrop on.

It seems to me that there are so many classic stories which bring up quite poignant issues for adopted children.  I made the huge error of watching Dumbo with Squiblet.  What an absolute idiot!  I thought it was a cheery tale about an elephant…somehow I had forgotten the part where Dumbo's mother gets violently angry and is then taken away.  Squiblet was so upset.  It took me ages to console her.  She was talking a bit about the daughters of her foster carer and I thought; how scary that all that really is just bubbling under the surface waiting for a catalyst to make it emerge.  I felt so stupid.  But we had to see it through to the end when he is reunited with his mummy and then Squiblet was OK.  But it just made me think…stories are so powerful.  They may be make believe but it doesn't change the impact they can have on children (and adults.)

Squiblet loves us talking about how she came out of her birth mother's tummy and the story of how she came to us.  It's a very familiar story now and one she likes joining in with.  She likes to end it by saying "I grow in your heart!"  Which is very cute.  We still don't have Squiblet's life story book which isn't great.  I think she would be able to use it now and it would help bring colour and clarity to the story.  I need to try and chase the LA but her social worker has been unwell so it's got lost somewhere.

I'd love to write a story.  In fact, I must!  It's definitely on my to do list (although I don't have much time for to doing at the moment!)

Take care everyone. x

It's National Adoption Week: Be kind to yourselves!

Hello,

As parents (any sort of parent, not just adoptive ones) we are so good at beating ourselves up and feeling guilty.  I'm touching on this as yesterday I had a horrible migraine, the like of which my super mega migraine pills couldn't even stem the flow of vomit, and I felt guilty that Squiblet was crying whilst I was throwing up.  It had been a long day!  A lovely day but she was tired and consequently had a mini melt down which I was just totally ill equipped to deal with, with my body functioning as it was.  So I ran away from my screaming daughter and left my wife to pick up the pieces.  I vomited, I cried, I felt awful, I calmed my self down, I slept, I felt better.  And I had to give myself a talking to, both last night and this morning.  I'm a human, not a robot.  I can't be the best that I can be when my brain is manufacturing flashing lights, pulsating sensations and throwing up.  I should NOT feel guilty about this…it's ridiculous!

Enough about me.  National Adoption Week is about celebrating adoption, encouraging others to adopt and helping find homes for those children that so badly need them.  So this is my message…

The adoption approval process makes you look at yourself in a way nothing else really does.  But not only that, other people are looking at you too…as well they might!  You will ultimately be given a life to cherish, to grow, to nurture to love….could you be given anything more precious?  It's understandable that people would need to check that you are prepared, sorted in your own head and the right people for the job.  But it doesn't always feel like it!  It's easy to feel scrutinised and judged, but mostly because we judge ourselves…and often way more harshly than anyone else.

So be kind to yourselves.  Celebrate your strengths.  Remember that sometimes it's OK to be "good enough" that it's OK to show your children that being a human is alright!  You don't need to be a calm, jolly machine all the time to be successful, and to be a parent.

Our five year wedding anniversary is coming up this week.  I'm beyond excited.  Mama hates surprises…I'm planning quite a big one!  I told her to trust that she will like it!  I know she will.  I've loved her for 12 years and been married to her for 5 of them!  Adopting our daughter has definitely been the best thing that we have done together as a couple.  I feel like our relationship took a big backwards step to make room for all the attention Squiblet needed, and that didn't feel quite right.  The love was always there, always strong and warm and secure but the time for each other some how slipped away.  But it's coming back!  Phew!  As Squiblet gets more secure, she demands less of us and I feel like we're coming to a good sort of balance where everyone is getting their emotional needs met.

I love my family.  I wouldn't change how we got here or who we are.  I just love my wife and daughter so much!  For those of you adopting…be kind to yourselves, you're doing a great job!  For those of you in the process…be kind to yourselves, you will get there and all these thoughts and ideas will help you later.  For those of you parenting birth children…be kind to yourselves, you're doing a great job too!

Funny how a migraine can make you sit back and think and actually come out feeling better about your life….

Activity Toys Direct (with tots100)…my dream garden!

This is a tots100 competition for Activity Toys Direct.  I love a competition, and this one - to design your dream kids garden - really got my imagination fired up!

So…
“This blog post is an entry into the Tots100/Activity Toys Direct garden makeover competition”

Squiblet loves books, she loves imaginary play and she gets lost in her own little world of everything she reads.  A dream garden for us would be a space where she can explore and create and imagine!

At present we have a tower with a climbing wall and slide...

This could be enhanced to encourage imaginative play…
(Charlie Cook's Favourite Book, Swallows and Amazons, The Famous Five)

Telescope and steering wheel:

A hammock or a cosy nook to read and play...

Fairy doors...
(Brambly Hedge, Postman Bear)

A huge sandpit with buried treasure, dinosaurs and footprint stilts...
(How to Grow a Dinosaur)

A broom...
(Room on the Broom)

A child safe pond...
(Room on the Broom, pond dipping, science play!)

A hazelnut tree...
(The Gruffalo)

Three Bears...
(Goldilocks)

A "river" of blue rubber chips with stepping stones and some "swishy swashy grass"
(We're going on a bear hunt)

And lastly, on the Activity Toys Direct website I noticed these trampolines.

Squiblet loves to bounce but I've always felt like our garden wasn't really big enough for one of those giant trampolines...until now!  The way they are sunk into the ground is so clever and makes them seem like they take up less space.

My literary link...Dear Zoo..."so they sent me a...frog...but he was too bouncy so I sent him back!"

Hope you like my ideas!

:)

Friends

Hello,

Firstly, apologies for my lack of blogtendance.  Things have been a bit mad lately what with one thing and another so I've either not been home at nap time, or I've been crazily doing things at nap time or I've been collapsing in a heap at nap time.  Today however I have made a jumbalaya (love that word), cleaned up and got into bed with surprisingly just enough energy to blog!  So here I am.

The second thing I want to do is share this wonderful picture.  It was Squiblet's first paddle in the sea.  Trip number 3 to the beach, and the first time she mustered up the courage to go in the sea.  She *loved* it!  I think a big part of her joy was that she had overcome her fear and she knew it.  She just ran back and forth splashing and shrieking and saying "it's good FUN!" it was so cute, and such a milestone, and just such a special occasion.  It's making me well up a little bit just to remember it.  But I'll stop jabbering, here's the picture...it really speaks for itself:

Squiblet's new birth certificate arrived yesterday which made me feel pretty emotional. It's all done!  Her party is next Saturday and we look to have over 100 people coming.  I created an online gift list where people signed up for plates of ham etc so I don't have to worry about catering, and also we couldn't really afford to spend that much on food right now (one salary!) but no-one seems to mind.  Hopefully it should be a really good event.  I'll let you know!  Everyone has to come dressed as something beginning with the first letter of Squiblet's name!  I have a slightly nutty animal onesie.  There's going to be a donut tower....the signs are there that it should be a good day!  And not really having to cater it is making it much less stressful.

I titled this blog post "friends" and haven't really got to that bit yet.  I think Squiblet's getting to an age where she really does have little friends; children she likes to play and share with and chat to and it's so nice!  I feel like I'm finally breaking in to the tight knit Mum crowd where we live...I thought I never would!  From the outside it feels very cliquey.  I think I was trying to break into the wrong clique!  Anyhow, there seem to be some jolly nice Mums out there who don't mind a bit of me and Squiblet in their lives...phew!

I'm still worrying about going back to work.  Yes, it's 11 months away!  If anyone knows how I can crack into the consultant science/medical educational resource market then do let me know!

Bye for now.

Will try not to leave it so long next time!

Growing up so fast!

Hello,

Apologies. It's been a while.  It's all go here.  Squiblet has made the transition to her big girl bed, we've taken down the massive green room divider which was cutting our open plan living place into two so now our house looks like our house again and I don't know...things just feel different now it's all done!

My friend dropped us off from a trip to the beach and Squiblet had fallen asleep in the car.  Usually she will never transition from car to cot without screaming and crying and having a horrendous tantrum so I popped her on the bed while I went to get her car seat.  When I got back she was so close to sleep that I just stroked her head and left her there.  I then sat there for the next 1 1/2 hours (only leaving for a moment to get my Kindle) as I was worried she might fall out.  She looked like a beautiful peaceful angel with the sunlight falling on her hair from under the curtains.  I took a photo and showed it to Mama when she got home.  And that was it...Squiblet saw the photo and never looked back.  Cue a long bath time with Mama while I frantically hoovered, took down the cot and rearranged the furniture!

Squiblet seeing photos or videos of herself seems to be incredibly powerful.  There is a video of her on her trampoline where she says "more strawberries!" and for at least a month she couldn't go on her trampoline without stopping and saying "more strawberries!"  She is a most excellent mimic which most of the time is funny, but I wasn't quite sure the other day when we walked past our local tramp eating a sandwich and she sat down a few metres on and started tucking into her own pretend sandwich!  All I need to do now is somehow get a video of her using the potty and then maybe she will use the potty.  The tricky part there is getting her to use it in the first place!

The celebration day was magical.  Squiblet was in her element being the centre of attention.  She sat in the Judge's chair and when we said could everyone come up for pictures she shouted "come on everybody!" with an alarming air of authority.  We were so lucky that lots of the special people in her life could be there with us.  There were a few missing but they were there in spirit!  I don't think it would have been nearly such a celebration without our nearest and dearest sharing the day.  The Judge was so kind and so good with her.  Squiblet got to stamp the court crest onto a sticker and then put it on her certificate.  She loves a sticker!  And then she got to roll it up!  And put a ribbon on!  And be given a bear!  It doesn't get much better than that.  Although she was pretty clear that she was "not really sure" about the Judge's wig!

We are back in our routine now and one thing I've noticed is that the gap between Squiblet's public and home behaviour is widening.  Her confidence at home is growing and growing.  She will sing the whole of Baa Baa Black Sheep or Dingle Dangle Scarecrow and dance and giggle if she's around her family and friends, but take her to play group or music class and she sits and clings on and barely participates.  It does make me worry because I don't think she's being true to herself and what she can do and consequently she doesn't enjoy things as much as she could.  I know she's only 2.  I know it's only been 8 months.  I just want to help.  I'm a teacher and I know how those children get lost when they are at school because our education system is so pro extrovert.  But that's my issue.  There's nothing about her which is introverted when she's at home, or even if she's out with friends.  I don't know.  I probably worry too much.  I just want her to be happy and true to herself.  At her music class it's weird though because she will sit and cling on for most of it, but the second the teacher brings out something interesting she's up and shouting "I want it!" or "Mummy stand up!" So it's a curious mixture of completely disengaged or horribly bossy.  For the first time I was actually slightly embarrassed by her behaviour.  I don't think it would embarrass me if she was consistent!  But the mixture of shy and dictatorial was curious and tricky to manage.  I should stop worrying.  I know.

So it's all go!  It's all change.  Our baby is growing up.  My proud parent moment of the week is when she walked up to a lamp post and said "that is 's', that is 'o', that is 'l'" and pointed at the letters of the brand which were written on the lamp post.  I thought she only knew one and that was the first letter of her name.  I was so impressed!  And I am by no means a "Flashcard Mom" she just has a few books with the alphabet in or alphabet themes and alphabet decorations in her room.  It's mad what they learn when you aren't paying attention.  We were in the garden the other day and I overheard Squiblet say "oop...there's a bumbly old bee" and it made me smile because she is getting more and more like her Mummy (and Mama) each day.

I am mostly getting very excited about Christmas, my 30th birthday and Squiblet's big party but not necessarily in that order.

Much excitement to come.

Love to you all.

xx