The Kids Are All Right

Hello!

So, since I last blogged the media has been going crazy with adoption stuff which is rather wonderful to see.  Now whenever I talk about our adoption process, people love to tell me the latest statistics and about how we desperately need adopters.  So that's nice! Sort of.  I think it's shut up the people who were worried that the evil gays were stealing all the babies from the poor infertile straight couples.  Hurrah! 

I read a study the other day that said two mums are better than a mum and a dad.  I'm rather sceptical of this piece of evidence, I have to say.  Because although gay people definitely have to think about parenthood a lot more than straight couples do (they can't just have a quickie and 9 months later along comes a baby), I don't believe that we are inherently better parents.  I have many straight friends who are wonderful parents and I don't think for one moment that my sexuality has any real bearing on my parenting skills.  Although I do believe that we will be just as good!  My other half has read almost every parenting book ever written at this point and that's got to help.  Although I sometimes can't help wondering when "being prepared" moves into being strangely obsessive...I wonder what the social workers will say!  So far I have read 2 books, and discussed the others with her...sort of!  By discussed, I mean that she has read out loud any of the more amusing anecdotes and I have laughed.  The book reading thing is normal behaviour for her anyway.  The same thing happened with survival skills a few years back, and then gardening...and now parenting!  It's funny though because the more books she reads, the more contradictions there are.  I guess you only really find out the right way when there's a child in your house that requires its needs to be met!

So...what else has happened?!  The twins have been born and they are gorgeous and fuzzy and lovely.  So that was exciting.  Work is crazily busy which makes me wonder how parents do it!  Roll on half term!  And I have volunteered for a new head of department job at school (I'm not sure if that makes me a bit crazy) which would mean that I definitely won't be the one going on the adoption leave.  Some areas of our lives are moving crazily fast and others incredibly slow (we seem to have been waiting an awfully long time for this prep course!).  The overall effect being similar to when I was forced into running when I was at school; somehow my legs went faster than my body and I often fell over.  Well, metaphorically speaking I haven't fallen over yet and let's hope it stays that way!

Oh yes...the title of my blog.  The Kids Are All Right!  We watched the film last night and had a sniffle or two.  It definitely makes me glad that we're not using a sperm donor!  I thought it was incredibly well done actually and quite moving.  I'm not sure what else I have to say about it really.  I'm not much of a film critic!

Anyhow.  I shall be in touch if anything else exciting happens.  Only three and bit weeks til the training course...exciting but scary!

Thanks for the comments some people have been leaving.  It's lovely to know that people are reading my ramblings.  It makes a person feel much less mad to know they are not just talking to themself!

Take care everyone x

Back to reality!

No real adoption news (not until the training course in November) so this is just another rambly update for those who are interested!

So, after my first paid summer as a teacher I'm back to work with a crash!  I'm not sure I've ever felt so tired, but it seems like everyone at school is the same!  Only 5 weeks 'til half term!  And I'm sure those 5 weeks will go very quickly!  I hope so, and I hope I grow a pair soon and stop feeling so utterly pooped!  For those of you with "real jobs" who are thinking "what's she moaning about - part timer!" I get in at 7.30 and leave at 5.15pm three days a week, 6pm one day and 10.30pm another day.  That is quite a lot of hours!

It makes me wonder how people cope with having jobs and children.  I know that I will be part time for a while but will probably have to go back full time when our little person starts school.  Teaching seems like such a convenient career for having children but it's so time consuming and exhausting!  The holidays are awesome, though!

I have been telling some of my colleagues about the adoption and they are all wonderfully positive which is nice!  It's great to know that the all important support network that the social workers always talk about really is in place.  The other thing that keeps happening is that on the New Family Social message boards, loads of people are going from training course to placement within a few months with approval and matching panels happening on the same day.  I had previously thought that this was unheard of and that it always took years and years so I find this both exciting and scary!  We have to have our extension built but I guess after that we are good to go in a physical sense, but my brain and heart were prepared for a long old wait and the prospect of a short wait definitely gives me butterflies!  We shall have to wait and see...

Just a short blog as I have work to do! :(  Sigh!  Hopefully next time I blog I will be full of beans again!

Hope everyone else is enjoying September.  I love the Autumn: our three year civil partnership anniversary is coming up soon along with our ten year anniversary of being a couple.  It's a big year for us!

Getting excited about babies (not our babies...yet!)

So the last couple of weeks have been filled with visits to my friends with children and lovely massively pregnant friend. It's all very exciting and heart warming and makes me feel really great that when we do adopt lots of my friends are starting families too and we can all be jolly young families together.

I haven't much to add this post as nothing much has happened. We made a decision regarding the fostering because we are biting the (oh so chilly) bullet and probably going to do the extension over the winter which means it could start in a month or so (scary times!). I am seriously excited about the prospect of a child friendly, massive kitchen though so I think that will make it worth it. On the subject of that, I have been reading www.mydaddycooks.com, a wonderful blog about a dad who cooks with the cutest toddler. It's close to my heart as cooking is something I'm really passionate about and want to share with our children. The veal escalopes clip is particularly hilarious! I've just bought my brother the cook book for his birthday and I really want it now! The other awesome thing on the blog is that he puts Archie (the toddler) in this thing called a fun pod, a piece of furniture designed to make a toddler worktop height without them falling out...might have to get me one of those! All very fun and makes me think about the future in a dreamy, rose-tinted sort of a way. I think that's ok every once in a while given that the rest of the time we are ploughing through a mountain of books explaining how and why our children will most certainly come with a whole bundle of issues we need to work through with them.

Two other random thoughts for this post are:

1. Bear Factory clothing, how can it be more expensive than real, adult clothing?! It's probably cheaper to hire a nanny and pay for your child to dress them than buy one of those bears. I went there with my friend's little girl; she bought a dress and some roller-skates and didn't get much change from £15. Truly absurd! But my friend was awesome, as it was her daughter's pocket money she was allowed to buy whatever she wanted and we all waited patiently while she counted out her money at the till despite the massive queue behind us. When I was a child I never would have been permitted to purchase such an extravagant item...my post office savings account was actively encouraged and my mum would help me to make clothes for my toys. I like the idea that (within limits), my friend's child could choose what she spent her money on, although I also like the fact that my mum encouraged creativity and saving! I will keep you posted (maybe...if I'm still blogging in 5 years time!) as to what my method would be.

2. I've been sharing this clip with everyone because I think it is hilariously true, so for those of you who read this you may get a laugh from it. It has nothing to do with adoption!

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?desktop_uri=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bo1ZHgbj-_Q&v=Bo1ZHgbj-_Q&gl=GB

Enjoy!

p.s. Back to school on Monday but will try and keep you posted with adoption stuff (and you will probably be glad to know you will get less of the random extras!)

Tiny steps...

Good news!  First proper step in the right direction.  We have been invited to attend a training session in November.  I feel very positive about this as the council obviously spend money in order to train you, so I think they must feel like we are likely to get through.  Again this doesn't make you any less nervous about the whole thing.  It's very weird to think that when you are on the training the social workers are scrutinising your ideas and participation.  At least they are honest about it though!

Now we have to decide whether or not to carry on with our resite fostering.  We were approved as weekend respite foster carers for disabled children back in January having applied in March 2010.  The idea is that we would look after one child for one weekend every month for most of their childhood.  It was the foster training and home study that made us realise we were ready to adopt.  I'm not sure if that sounds strange or not.  But anyway, now we are not sure whether to be linked with a foster child or not.  We are having an extension early next year, and with the training and home study I'm not sure if it will all just be a bit much, as well as the fact that we won't be able to offer the child a stable long term placement because a few months in the back of our house will be knocked down, and then we could be adopting!  Big decisions to make.

I was talking to the social worker and she said we could have our panel this time next year and be matched a few months later which would mean that it would be crazy to start fostering now.  But on the other hand it could take a couple of years.... nobody knows.  I think the experience of fostering would be really good, but I don't want to offer a child a home with us, only to take it away again a few months later.  More discussion needed I think.

So...back to school in 2 1/2 weeks.  It's weird to think that it could be my last full time year for a long time especially as my career has only just started.  I'm not sure what happened to us, but we couldn't be more sure that we are ready and really excited about becoming parents! It's mad to think that we could potentially be matched some time next year.  I'm gearing up for a big old wait though.  I don't think it's a good idea to set yourself unrealistic deadlines in the adoption process.  It seems to me you have to try and use each bit of waiting time to reflect and prepare.  We have a ridiculous amount of parenting books already.  Again, it seems weird to buy books about parenting a ficticious child...but we are anyway!

I think I'm getting carried away again!  Needless to say we are very excited about getting past the first hurdle and actually starting the process properly.  There won't be any really interesting news now until November but I'll keep adding my general ponderings for those of you who are interested!

Busy busy...

Not me, the social workers!  I feel slightly mean about the tone of my last post now.  Given the industrial action it's not really too surprising that agencies are running a bit behind.  After all, the children in care always have to come first and I guess that means that the social workers are always crazily busy juggling nervous potential adopters (me) with children desperately in need of their help.  I know which I would choose and really, which I would want them to choose; it's just difficult to rationalise that when you're feeling anxious!

Anyway, for those of you who are interested, we should know for definite by the end of the week whether we're on the training course in November.  Excellent!

Of course we haven't heard anything!

Hello,

So...yesterday was 2 weeks since the social worker did her home visit. She told us that by this time we would get a call to let us know if we have made it onto the training course. We called them and they said that as the course isn't until October they haven't made any decisions yet. Horribly disappointing although I can't say we were surprised. Miscommunication is something I find quite irritating though, the NHS does it brilliantly as well. Tell us it will be a month and we will be pleasantly surprised if it's 3 weeks; tell us it will be 2 weeks and we will be horribly disappointed if it's 3 weeks. Our double glazing company have the right idea (told us it would be 8 weeks and it was 6), but public services can't seem to get the gist. I'm not saying mislead people, just be honest, or honestly pessimistic in order to avoid horrible disappointment! Ho hum...mini rant over.

Last night we went to "mind out for the laughs" in Brighton. It was a comedy show to raise money and awareness of Mind Out, an lgbt mental health charity. We were in Brighton anyway and thought it might be fun. It was really good. I'm really glad there are services like this available, especially for young people. One funny bit involved a woman taking about her middle class, organic self harming with stinging nettles. Quite random.

So no news. Not sure if no news is good news in this case as I guess is we were amazingly awesome they would call us back straight away but I'm not really sure it works like that.

5 weeks into my eight week holiday now and the time is flying by...once again I'm doing too much thinking! I'm not actually very good at being on my own, I have a penchant for self-criticism which is exacerbated by too much procrastination time. This is something I need to be super aware of and keep in check before the arrival of a potentially new parent blaming little person!

The New Family Socialers have just been on their annual camp and I think everyone on there who doesn't have kids yet looks on it with huge aspiration. "One day my friend, you too shall camp with all the other gay parents and their children". But for now, we wait! Maybe one day I will be blogging about my camping experience! I don't even like camping! Must be the hormones...

Baby shower and playing the waiting game

Hello,

so on Saturday we held a baby shower for my chum who is pregnant with not one but two babies. It was a wonderful day and we are all really excited about their arrival in a few months time. It's quite exciting to think about the prospect of our kids playing with each other in a few years time (admittedly, really quite a way off but I'm on holiday so have a rather longer than normal procrastination time currently).

I was talking to my friend and it got me thinking that couples who have biological babies go through similar stages to adoption, they're just not written down, or subject to government targets. When couples start "trying for a baby" it can take ages and I guess that must be pretty stressful in itself. We're worrying about whether we have passed the home visit and will be offered a place on the next training course. In some ways I wonder if they will offer it to older people as they have less time to wait, I'm not sure how it works.

It's a funny old time though. We're talking about it with lots of people which makes me worry that if we don't progress further we will have loads of people to tell which would make us feel rubbish!

I've also been making a colourful spreadsheet of our finances. It's going to be a tight few years if we both work very part time as we hope we will. But I guess that's just part of having kids really and I'm assuming that you just make do so long as you can pay the bills! At least our house will be awesome by then and hopefully not costing us very much.

So that's me. Not much to say at the moment really. We're just waiting so my blogs will be filled up with my musings and other assorted bumblings until we find out that we have a place on the training course.

Stressful times and we haven't even really started yet!