It's National Adoption Week: Be kind to yourselves!

Hello,

As parents (any sort of parent, not just adoptive ones) we are so good at beating ourselves up and feeling guilty.  I'm touching on this as yesterday I had a horrible migraine, the like of which my super mega migraine pills couldn't even stem the flow of vomit, and I felt guilty that Squiblet was crying whilst I was throwing up.  It had been a long day!  A lovely day but she was tired and consequently had a mini melt down which I was just totally ill equipped to deal with, with my body functioning as it was.  So I ran away from my screaming daughter and left my wife to pick up the pieces.  I vomited, I cried, I felt awful, I calmed my self down, I slept, I felt better.  And I had to give myself a talking to, both last night and this morning.  I'm a human, not a robot.  I can't be the best that I can be when my brain is manufacturing flashing lights, pulsating sensations and throwing up.  I should NOT feel guilty about this…it's ridiculous!

Enough about me.  National Adoption Week is about celebrating adoption, encouraging others to adopt and helping find homes for those children that so badly need them.  So this is my message…

The adoption approval process makes you look at yourself in a way nothing else really does.  But not only that, other people are looking at you too…as well they might!  You will ultimately be given a life to cherish, to grow, to nurture to love….could you be given anything more precious?  It's understandable that people would need to check that you are prepared, sorted in your own head and the right people for the job.  But it doesn't always feel like it!  It's easy to feel scrutinised and judged, but mostly because we judge ourselves…and often way more harshly than anyone else.

So be kind to yourselves.  Celebrate your strengths.  Remember that sometimes it's OK to be "good enough" that it's OK to show your children that being a human is alright!  You don't need to be a calm, jolly machine all the time to be successful, and to be a parent.

Our five year wedding anniversary is coming up this week.  I'm beyond excited.  Mama hates surprises…I'm planning quite a big one!  I told her to trust that she will like it!  I know she will.  I've loved her for 12 years and been married to her for 5 of them!  Adopting our daughter has definitely been the best thing that we have done together as a couple.  I feel like our relationship took a big backwards step to make room for all the attention Squiblet needed, and that didn't feel quite right.  The love was always there, always strong and warm and secure but the time for each other some how slipped away.  But it's coming back!  Phew!  As Squiblet gets more secure, she demands less of us and I feel like we're coming to a good sort of balance where everyone is getting their emotional needs met.

I love my family.  I wouldn't change how we got here or who we are.  I just love my wife and daughter so much!  For those of you adopting…be kind to yourselves, you're doing a great job!  For those of you in the process…be kind to yourselves, you will get there and all these thoughts and ideas will help you later.  For those of you parenting birth children…be kind to yourselves, you're doing a great job too!

Funny how a migraine can make you sit back and think and actually come out feeling better about your life….

Activity Toys Direct (with tots100)…my dream garden!

This is a tots100 competition for Activity Toys Direct.  I love a competition, and this one - to design your dream kids garden - really got my imagination fired up!

So…
“This blog post is an entry into the Tots100/Activity Toys Direct garden makeover competition”

Squiblet loves books, she loves imaginary play and she gets lost in her own little world of everything she reads.  A dream garden for us would be a space where she can explore and create and imagine!

At present we have a tower with a climbing wall and slide...

This could be enhanced to encourage imaginative play…
(Charlie Cook's Favourite Book, Swallows and Amazons, The Famous Five)

Telescope and steering wheel:

A hammock or a cosy nook to read and play...

Fairy doors...
(Brambly Hedge, Postman Bear)

A huge sandpit with buried treasure, dinosaurs and footprint stilts...
(How to Grow a Dinosaur)

A broom...
(Room on the Broom)

A child safe pond...
(Room on the Broom, pond dipping, science play!)

A hazelnut tree...
(The Gruffalo)

Three Bears...
(Goldilocks)

A "river" of blue rubber chips with stepping stones and some "swishy swashy grass"
(We're going on a bear hunt)

And lastly, on the Activity Toys Direct website I noticed these trampolines.

Squiblet loves to bounce but I've always felt like our garden wasn't really big enough for one of those giant trampolines...until now!  The way they are sunk into the ground is so clever and makes them seem like they take up less space.

My literary link...Dear Zoo..."so they sent me a...frog...but he was too bouncy so I sent him back!"

Hope you like my ideas!

:)

Friends

Hello,

Firstly, apologies for my lack of blogtendance.  Things have been a bit mad lately what with one thing and another so I've either not been home at nap time, or I've been crazily doing things at nap time or I've been collapsing in a heap at nap time.  Today however I have made a jumbalaya (love that word), cleaned up and got into bed with surprisingly just enough energy to blog!  So here I am.

The second thing I want to do is share this wonderful picture.  It was Squiblet's first paddle in the sea.  Trip number 3 to the beach, and the first time she mustered up the courage to go in the sea.  She *loved* it!  I think a big part of her joy was that she had overcome her fear and she knew it.  She just ran back and forth splashing and shrieking and saying "it's good FUN!" it was so cute, and such a milestone, and just such a special occasion.  It's making me well up a little bit just to remember it.  But I'll stop jabbering, here's the picture...it really speaks for itself:

Squiblet's new birth certificate arrived yesterday which made me feel pretty emotional. It's all done!  Her party is next Saturday and we look to have over 100 people coming.  I created an online gift list where people signed up for plates of ham etc so I don't have to worry about catering, and also we couldn't really afford to spend that much on food right now (one salary!) but no-one seems to mind.  Hopefully it should be a really good event.  I'll let you know!  Everyone has to come dressed as something beginning with the first letter of Squiblet's name!  I have a slightly nutty animal onesie.  There's going to be a donut tower....the signs are there that it should be a good day!  And not really having to cater it is making it much less stressful.

I titled this blog post "friends" and haven't really got to that bit yet.  I think Squiblet's getting to an age where she really does have little friends; children she likes to play and share with and chat to and it's so nice!  I feel like I'm finally breaking in to the tight knit Mum crowd where we live...I thought I never would!  From the outside it feels very cliquey.  I think I was trying to break into the wrong clique!  Anyhow, there seem to be some jolly nice Mums out there who don't mind a bit of me and Squiblet in their lives...phew!

I'm still worrying about going back to work.  Yes, it's 11 months away!  If anyone knows how I can crack into the consultant science/medical educational resource market then do let me know!

Bye for now.

Will try not to leave it so long next time!

Growing up so fast!

Hello,

Apologies. It's been a while.  It's all go here.  Squiblet has made the transition to her big girl bed, we've taken down the massive green room divider which was cutting our open plan living place into two so now our house looks like our house again and I don't know...things just feel different now it's all done!

My friend dropped us off from a trip to the beach and Squiblet had fallen asleep in the car.  Usually she will never transition from car to cot without screaming and crying and having a horrendous tantrum so I popped her on the bed while I went to get her car seat.  When I got back she was so close to sleep that I just stroked her head and left her there.  I then sat there for the next 1 1/2 hours (only leaving for a moment to get my Kindle) as I was worried she might fall out.  She looked like a beautiful peaceful angel with the sunlight falling on her hair from under the curtains.  I took a photo and showed it to Mama when she got home.  And that was it...Squiblet saw the photo and never looked back.  Cue a long bath time with Mama while I frantically hoovered, took down the cot and rearranged the furniture!

Squiblet seeing photos or videos of herself seems to be incredibly powerful.  There is a video of her on her trampoline where she says "more strawberries!" and for at least a month she couldn't go on her trampoline without stopping and saying "more strawberries!"  She is a most excellent mimic which most of the time is funny, but I wasn't quite sure the other day when we walked past our local tramp eating a sandwich and she sat down a few metres on and started tucking into her own pretend sandwich!  All I need to do now is somehow get a video of her using the potty and then maybe she will use the potty.  The tricky part there is getting her to use it in the first place!

The celebration day was magical.  Squiblet was in her element being the centre of attention.  She sat in the Judge's chair and when we said could everyone come up for pictures she shouted "come on everybody!" with an alarming air of authority.  We were so lucky that lots of the special people in her life could be there with us.  There were a few missing but they were there in spirit!  I don't think it would have been nearly such a celebration without our nearest and dearest sharing the day.  The Judge was so kind and so good with her.  Squiblet got to stamp the court crest onto a sticker and then put it on her certificate.  She loves a sticker!  And then she got to roll it up!  And put a ribbon on!  And be given a bear!  It doesn't get much better than that.  Although she was pretty clear that she was "not really sure" about the Judge's wig!

We are back in our routine now and one thing I've noticed is that the gap between Squiblet's public and home behaviour is widening.  Her confidence at home is growing and growing.  She will sing the whole of Baa Baa Black Sheep or Dingle Dangle Scarecrow and dance and giggle if she's around her family and friends, but take her to play group or music class and she sits and clings on and barely participates.  It does make me worry because I don't think she's being true to herself and what she can do and consequently she doesn't enjoy things as much as she could.  I know she's only 2.  I know it's only been 8 months.  I just want to help.  I'm a teacher and I know how those children get lost when they are at school because our education system is so pro extrovert.  But that's my issue.  There's nothing about her which is introverted when she's at home, or even if she's out with friends.  I don't know.  I probably worry too much.  I just want her to be happy and true to herself.  At her music class it's weird though because she will sit and cling on for most of it, but the second the teacher brings out something interesting she's up and shouting "I want it!" or "Mummy stand up!" So it's a curious mixture of completely disengaged or horribly bossy.  For the first time I was actually slightly embarrassed by her behaviour.  I don't think it would embarrass me if she was consistent!  But the mixture of shy and dictatorial was curious and tricky to manage.  I should stop worrying.  I know.

So it's all go!  It's all change.  Our baby is growing up.  My proud parent moment of the week is when she walked up to a lamp post and said "that is 's', that is 'o', that is 'l'" and pointed at the letters of the brand which were written on the lamp post.  I thought she only knew one and that was the first letter of her name.  I was so impressed!  And I am by no means a "Flashcard Mom" she just has a few books with the alphabet in or alphabet themes and alphabet decorations in her room.  It's mad what they learn when you aren't paying attention.  We were in the garden the other day and I overheard Squiblet say "oop...there's a bumbly old bee" and it made me smile because she is getting more and more like her Mummy (and Mama) each day.

I am mostly getting very excited about Christmas, my 30th birthday and Squiblet's big party but not necessarily in that order.

Much excitement to come.

Love to you all.

xx

Support

Just a quick post for #WASO over at The Adoption Social this week. sorry we've not posted much recently - seems like there's been lots going on.


I just wanted to take the opportunity, as the theme is "support", to give my take on the support we have received.





The support from our LA has been pretty dire. We began intros with no social workers in the office available to help us, and it continued in that vein with Squiblet's Social Worker retiring about a month after that.  I think we only had 2 home visits (not including the IRO visits, of which our SW only attended 1 of the 3) even though they were supposed to be fortnightly for 2 months, then monthly. We were left to arrange contact with the Foster Carer on our own, with no guidance. And again, when it came to our first ever contact with Squiblet's siblings the promised support never materialised.

Luckily we have coped well with our transition into the family we are today and we are extremely lucky to have incredibly supportive friends and family who have welcomed Squiblet with open arms, provided advice ("help - is this normal?!") and practical support. 

We know experienced Teachers, Doctors, Mums, Dads and kind, creative people who have all offered their perspectives. We have lovely friends who have babysat so we can go out together, and who we have had such fun with. We have wonderful family who have cooked, cleaned, looked after Squiblet and let us vegetate in their houses. 

Squiblet is surrounded by amazing, kind people who have shared joyful times with us and watched as she has grown from a subdued baby into an amazing little girl.

This afternoon is Squiblet's Celebration Hearing - and we are bringing as many of these lovely people with us as we can to share in our special day.

We really are blessed to have such precious support from all our friends and family - you help has made our journey to becoming a family a wonderful one, despite the hard times. So thank you.

Time to go - I'm weeping at my computer.

L x

Afterthought added later: thanks for all the lifts, trips to the zoo-beach-farm-twinclub, sewing (curtains, cushions, toys), mowing, books, fixing the toilet, help when Mama impaled herself, toys from carboots or the barn... too much support to possibly remember!

Relaxation! For WASO

How I relax has changed a lot over the last few months.  I used to love nothing more than spending a few hours in the kitchen making things like macaroons!  I really admire my friends who ACTUALLY DO THINGS of an evening.  I rush around like a mad thing tidying up while Mama does Squiblet's bath and then as soon as Squiblet is in her cot I collapse in a heap on the sofa, check Facebook, check my emails...sometimes look at Twitter although I don't fully understand what to do!  And then I watch TV for an hour, have a cuddle with Mama and then usually it's bedtime!  Not very glamorous.  I'm definitely not one for baking cakes at that time of day.  I suspect they wouldn't taste very nice as I like to have time and space to cook properly.

How I used to relax:

How I relax (this was Squiblet and I earlier today - we both have the sniffles!):

But having said that, Squiblet is actually now pretty good at baking!  She can crack eggs and spoon and dollop pretty well.  So we make cakes together.  I think I'll have to wait until she's at least three before I teach her the art of the macaroon but for now we'll make do with wonderful gloopy, chocolatey and slightly tacky cakes that we're still both proud of!

All for now! It's nap time and I think I fancy a cup of tea!

Holiday next week....WAHOOOOOOO! *keeping fingers firmly crossed that nothing jinxes it this time!*

xx

Well, hello Autumn!

What a mad old couple of weeks.  I'm still pretty under the weather, now leaking huge amounts of green gloopy stuff but ho hum...I think I'm on the up.  I'm very irritated by the way that a few invisible pathogens have managed to turn me into a mum who allows more than half an hours TV watching and is more likely to manhandle my daughter rather than patiently wait for her to do things on her own unique toddler timescale.  I hate that part of me being below par as it makes us all miserable and afterwards I just think "for goodness sake, why didn't you just bloody wait like you usually do...instead you riled her with your impatience and now you're both more pissed off than you were before" eurgh, I hate feeling like I'm not doing a very good job.

But....I'm not here to whinge and wine.  I have assessed the behaviour above as ridiculous and am now doing my darndest to stop it!

So Autumn arrived today, it doesn't usually just come in a day, does it?!  Mad!  Yesterday we were in a pub garden in shorts swatting wasps and today we're in wellies and jumpers!  But I love Autumn.  I love the hot chocolate, pink nose, outdoor smells, stomping through the woods of Autumn and much as I have enjoyed living outdoors for the past few months, I'm quite looking forward to getting back to baking and painting and play dough etc.

And with Autumn comes our daughter's adoption order.  It's all done...signed, sealed delivered...she's ours!  We've had so many wonderful positive responses to the news and we are feeling very blessed at the moment.  I'm looking forward to the celebration hearing as I think Squiblet will be in her element!  I'm also looking forward to her big old party!  I have been busy making bunting...I am very excited!

We also took Squiblet to Grandad's fancy dress (70s theme) birthday party.  I wasn't sure how she would cope with that many curious outfit choices and wigs in one room (including a very convincing cross dressing Freddie Mercury complete with Hoover - I want to break free video).  But she took it all in her stride and had a lovely time playing with everyone and lapping up the attention - she was the only little one there.  Squiblet was rocking a fabulous combo of tie dye and rainbow leg warmers, she did us proud!

And last of all I have to give a shout out to my mum and dad who have been staying here for the last 4 days cleaning and tidying and hoovering and cooking and just generally letting me rest.  I feel like I've finally turned a corner and I'm on the up and it was so wonderful of them to do so much.  We didn't put that in our adopters assessment...grandparents will come down and do all housework and generally pamper should the need arise.  I wonder if we would have been approved even faster!

And I can't go without introducing Bob.  We adopted him from Build a Bear on the day Squiblet's adoption order was made.  Squiblet was rather bemused by the whole process but went along with kissing his heart and very seriously choosing his outfit.  She chose the sex, name and outfit...and thus a gay icon is born...meet Bob everyone!

Every year that she's interested I think we will take her to buy a new outfit for Bob.  It will be a sad day when she starts dressing him in boy clothes! I love how she has no preconceptions about this yet...go Squiblet!