Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Wibble wobble...


I'm having a wobbly sort of a day and thought writing about it might help!  I also need to give you the lowdown on the birthday party which might cheer me up!  So far I have not managed to work out how to put photos on but I'm working on it!  Says the lady who wants to try and make an app...hmmm....whoops!

So, yes, it came out of nowhere!  I've been on a happy cloud for the past ages, and today I just fell through and came crashing down.  Nothing to do with Squiblet, she's still happy as Larry, but me...well I've been faking it to make it all morning, resulting in louder than usual singing during her swimming lesson and just generally being all rather over the top.  And now it's nap time, so I can finally try and analyse the wobble and sort it out.  I'm quite big on self analysis.  I guess you have to be in order to write about your experiences, but I really don't like it when I'm floored by emotions I didn't really know were there, it seems like an insult to my emotional intelligence.

It could be because the doctor decided that the pill would be a good way to sort out my "lady troubles" (very coy but I don't want to be too graphic!)  Basically pre Squiblet I was a two periods a year type of person and they were pretty bad, but manageable twice a year.  Since Squiblet my body has obviously been like "oh...so you can do it after all, I guess I might as well ovulate then!" and has consequently been flooring me with month on month of horror movie style menses.  Is that too much?!  Sorry if you are a friend who didn't want to know, or just generally squeamish.  Anyway, my point is that I wonder if this might be making me more than usually emotional, and consequently I think I'm going to stop taking it and think about a plan b.  It could be because I'm pooped from a party filled weekend, and I think it probably is a bit.  But I think a big part of what I'm feeling is to do with all the lovely things people have been saying lately.  We have seen Squiblet's doctor and social worker and health visitor in the past week and they have all been so kind.  I put most of Squiblet's progress down to her just being awesome, and when people tell me and Mama that we are doing a good job, it makes me worry that I'm not.  How ridiculous of me, I know.  But it's that thing where people put you on a pedestal and then you worry that you will fall off.  If you're not on a pedestal in the first place, it's much less painful and dramatic when you fall over.  Does that make sense?  Am I just being ludicrous in my thoughts?  Well, yes, I think so, but then I think that's sort of the Mummy way, isn't it?  But for all the reading we have done and all the conversations we have about Squiblet's parenting and all we do, I still worry that we are not doing enough.  Her weight centile is now slightly higher than her height so I was worried about that.  But then the stupid thing says she has shrunk since 2 months ago, and now she is two she is weighed with a nappy and all her clothes on which I guess could account for a lot.  I do feed her a lot but she is literally scamping about all day, and what I feed her is healthy stuff, because I think healthy eating is important.  I do need to do something about the fact that she prefers juice to water because that's what she had with her foster carer, but I'm getting there with that.  I don't know.  I think that however nice these people are they make you feel paranoid that you are doing something wrong.

So enough of my public wobble.  I'll go away and privately wobble a bit more.  How about I try and cheer us all up with some birthday party tales?!  It was great.  So much fun!  Luckily the sun was shining so the little ones just scamped inside and out playing with all of Squiblet's toys.  She was so happy, excited about all her presents and her little face when she saw her birthday cake was pure magic.  We went to a big food festival the next day, and there were crowds and there was loud music and things and Squiblet took it all in her stride, happily dancing to the band and tasting bits of sausage.  She even went on a merry go round on her own!  It was all such massive progress from the shy little thing who joined us in January and it made me feel really proud of her and so happy to see her enjoying life and enjoying the life that we had planned for her, and the life that we enjoy too.

Take care everyone, I'm sure I'll steady up soon enough! x

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