Friday, 16 August 2013

Siblings: for WASO

I was just pondering what the focus of my post should be.  Squiblet has 4 half siblings by birth that we know about...two by her birth mother and two by her birth father.  We have contact set up with two but we will never see the other two as they are safely with their own birth mother and detached from the world of social services.  We know their names...we have a few photos...they share 50% of their DNA with Squiblet but who cares?  Well, I sort of seems very odd to me.  But I'll blog about my feelings on that another day.  I'm coming up to my 100th post (fanfare...drumroll etc) and so I thought I would reflect on my feelings about Squiblet having a brother or sister based on the fact that the title of my blog is two mums TWO kids, and we clearly only have one!

It used to be two mums? two kids?  Because when I started it I lacked the confidence that we would even be approved to be two mums! Now here I am, dishing out mummy advice to all and sundry, swanning about in my Birkenstocks and just generally mumming it up large.  But the two kids bit...well that firmly remains as a "?".  Mama is keen.  I'm not so sure.  I feel like being an only child and being a bit "spoiled" (hate that word) is a necessary antidote to the self-esteem issues which come along with having been in the care system.  I like the fact that there are two adults to one Squiblet and I can see that she thrives on it, thrives on the attention.  People have said that you have to wait until your first is at school before you can adopt again, and that's a way off anyway, but right now, I'm not keen!  I like the fact that she has 100% of my attention and the leaps and bounds and jumps she has made make me feel like I'd like to keep it that way.

It feels mad to me now that we were approved for two; we came so close to adopting a sibling pair and our life just wouldn't be what it is now.  But then, maybe it would still have been great.  Who knows? For now I'm happy with being two mums, one kid!  We live in a town where there are loads of kids to play with, we might respite foster, or family link (respite to a disabled child) or something like that.  But right now my little world is looking pretty good and I wouldn't want to do anything to change it too much.



  1. Such a wonderful feeling of loving exactly where you are right now! Beautiful!

  2. I agree with Lindsay - there's no need to think too hard about decisions you don't need to make yet, just enjoy this time :) As Squiblet grows older, you might feel differently . . . or you might not!

  3. I agree with Lindsay and Suddenly Mummy...enjoy now, the rest will come when and if you're ready...

    Thanks for linking up and sharing your thoughts with #WASO x

  4. Congrats on coming up to your 100th blog! Enjoyed reading this and looking forward to reading your blog about your feelings on squiblet's siblings.

  5. Hello, just read your blog and find it really comforting to hear your stories. I am a same-sex adopter too and I have one boy, he's now 9 but he was 5 and half when we were matched. He has a sibling he could see (aged 21) but chooses not to see us. This is a constant issue for my son who is stuck in the grieving process without a death. I also always thought of having a larger family but now after 4 years with my boy, I learnt early on that I need to be the parent he needs not the one I want to be! so one child family it is. I believe it to be right that after his early traumatic life experiences forever family life as a only child is crucial for him and his development. He has lots of extended family and friends with little ones he loves but time alone in his safe house with us is vital.

    Thanks for your blog.